Chocolate, Vanilla and Caramel

The Color of Our Family

2011-05-20T22:28:00.000-04:00

A couple of days ago, my 6 year old daughter was drawing a picture for a homeschooling project. She drew our family -- large round circles for bodies and sticks poking out for arms and legs.

She worked carefully for a long time. I noticed her digging through her coloring bin for just the right crayons. After awhile, she brought me the finished product.

“So, tell me all about it!” I said.

She carefully explained that she’d drawn each person in our family with their proper skin color (normally she is all about blue and green and purple people). I studied the drawing in more detail and realized she’d done exactly that.

“I drew Dad black,” she said, “because he’s the darkest one in our family.”

“You’re right,” I replied. “He’s the darkest one.”

“And then I drew Michael in dark brown, because he’s the next darkest one. And I drew me in light brown, because I’m not quite as dark as Michael is. And then I drew you in pink and tan, because you’re not really brown, but you’re kind of pink-tan.”

I smiled and gave her a huge hug. “You know, honey, you did an excellent job showing how different we all are!”

I thought about her picture as she headed out to the living room to play with her brother. I’m so glad that she feels free to express the differences she sees in our family. I’m glad that she knows this is a safe place to work out skin colors and other things like that.

And I feel happy that for her, having different skin colors in a family is normal and simply requires a little creativity in the crayon department.

*****

Two missing teeth on the bottom!

Happy to be $2 richer!

Birthday Photos: The Final Installment

2009-11-08T13:31:00.007-05:00

Eating cake and ice cream.

Little Daniel.

Reading birthday cards.

Holly and I!

Baby Aspen!

Holly's friend Riya had just gotten back from India with her parents, and they gave Holly a beautiful Indian outfit.

Our friends in the living room.

Kalyb, Nina's son. He adores Holly and we all adore him!!

My dear friend Nina.

Sage, my friend Lisa's daughter. (Two of Lisa's daughters are named Holly and Sage. Of course, not only do we have a Holly, but my sister is also named Holly and one of her daughters is named Saige!)

Michael insisted on wearing one of Holly's crowns too.

Who says little brothers can't wear crowns?!

There's nothing like being a princess for a day!

Pictures from Holly's Other 5th Birthday Party

2009-10-18T13:58:00.008-04:00

Yesterday we had another birthday party for Holly, this time at our house. Originally we planned to have just one party, but we found out that Holly's friend Riya was going to be in India with her family for a month and would miss it. So we scheduled it 2 weeks later so her friend could come.

However, this meant that our other friends, Miss Irene and Magda, would be on a trip to Peru at that time. Of course, a birthday without Irene and Magda just wouldn't be a birthday, so they graciously said they would love to have a party for Holly on her birthday at their house (click here for those photos).

Here are the photos of the party we had at our house yesterday with some of our family friends. We had a very simple party for an hour in the morning with cake and ice cream.

****

Miss Lisa and Holly. Lisa and her family let us use their "bounce house" in the basement for all the kid to jump on during the party. Then they said we could keep it for a few days. Holly and Michael have been absolutely loving it!!

Michael doesn't do real well when a lot of people come over...he likes to stay in Dad's lap.

Lisa's husband Doug and two of their kids, Holly and Aspen (yes, it gets pretty fun calling "Holly" and having two little girls look up!).

Our friends Jonny, Ana and "Baby Daniel" (as you can see, he's no longer a baby, but for some reason the kids and I still call him "Baby Daniel"!)

The birthday girl and Mom!

Our neighbor's mom offered to make Holly's birthday cake. It was so sweet of her. Holly was thrilled with the princess cake! And the wand lights up too!

Holly's friend Riya and her mother.

Our neighbors Jennifer and Todd (Jennifer's mom made Holly's cake).

My friends Nina and Lisa.

A group photo, thanks to a tripod!!

Holly...and Holly!

Lighting the candles on the cake (when I asked Holly what she was most looking forward to at her party, she said, "Having everyone sing Happy Birthday to me!").

Blowing out those five candles took a bit of work.

Michael snuck in and snitched some icing.

Handing out the cake and ice cream. Nothing like a mid-morning sugar attack!!

(There are a few more birthday pictures which I'll post in a few days.)

Pictures of Holly's 5th Birthday

2009-10-04T21:10:00.007-04:00

Today we celebrated Holly's 5th birthday. I can't believe I have a 5-year old! Here are some pictures of our day.

****

Our "adopted Grandma" had a birthday party for Holly. She is a former neighbor of ours and Holly was very excited to go to her house and celebrate! Here are Irene and Miss Nancy. Irene is wearing the joker hat!

Miss Andrea stopped by as well.

Miss Irene, Holly and Miss Andrea.

Holly looking through a neat sticker book that Miss Andrea gave her.

Big hugs from Miss Irene!

Miss Nancy reads Holly the card she gave her.

Excited to blow out her candle!

Enjoying some wonderful Polish food that Miss Irene made.

Holly is always a princess at Miss Irene's house!

Balloons along the sidewalk leading to Miss Irene's condo.

Miss Irene, Madga (Irene's daughter) and Holly and I! Mike and Michael were home because Michael is sick with a bad cold.

The beautiful birthday cake Irene made (she used to be a cake decorator). Yes, that is a photo of Holly on the cake -- very cool!

Two of Holly's favorite people.

This morning after breakfast, Holly opened her presents. She got a really cool alphabet puzzle from Auntie Holly. It's got jumbo pieces and measures about 2 feet by 3 feet when put together. The kids had a great time assembling it with Mike.

Holly got a Barbie "newborn doctor" from us. She actually picked it out a few weeks ago and patiently waited until this morning to open it. For her birthday, I normally tell her the amount we have budgeted for her gift, then she and I go to the store and she carefully picks out her gift. It's so cute to see her seriously weighing what she likes, the price, etc. And she is always thrilled with her gift, because it's exactly what she wanted. After she opened it, she kept saying "Thank you Mommy! I LOVE it!" over and over again. It melted my heart.

Holly getting ready to open her presents this morning after a breakfast of Peach French Toast (her request).

Enjoy the Holiday

2009-09-06T21:42:00.002-04:00

Hi Blogging Friends,

I normally post here every Monday, but I'm going to enjoy the Labor Day holiday and post on Tuesday instead!

I hope you have a great day and enjoy your family and friends!

Why I Started Blogging

2009-08-24T06:00:00.002-04:00

When I started my blog a couple of years ago, it wasn't as a means of keeping my family up to date on our activities, or recording our family history. It wasn't to let my friends know what was going on or to get to know people. It was simply a way for me to do something I have always loved to do: write. At the time, I didn't care how many people read my blog, or what they thought. In fact, I didn't even turn on the "comment" function because I honestly didn't WANT to know what they thought (in case they hated it!).

At the time, I was struggling with pretty severe post-partum depression. Our second child was only a few weeks old and I was having trouble making it through each day. My husband would leave for work and I would get horrible panic attacks, my heart pounding with fear at the thought of another day dealing with a very active toddler and a very fussy baby who wanted me to hold him all the time and who screamed the entire duration of every car trip, no matter where we went, thanks to the fact that he hated his car seat. Needless to say, we didn't go too many places.

Writing became a wonderful outlet for me. I never wrote anything about my post-partum depression. It was too depressing! Instead, I wrote funny things about my toddler, anything to take my mind off the pit I felt I was in.

Thankfully, my post-partum depression gradually went away after a few months. I didn't end up having to take any medication, but I did see a wonderful psychiatric nurse who helped me with some coping strategies and encouraged me that I wasn't crazy.

My kids will soon turn 5 and 3. Those dark days seem so long ago. I look back on those days thankful that they are over and that I did indeed survive. I wake up each morning now, wishing for a little more sleep but happy to be a mom to these two precious little people.

Poor little guy...this is what happens when you have an older sister who thinks it would be fun to dress you in her Halloween costume from last year.

Proud of her work!

Michael, enjoying his snack with our dear friend Miss Irene.

Eating cotton candy at the county fair.

Funny Kid Quotes

2009-08-17T06:00:00.005-04:00

Holly (calling out while she and Michael were suddenly very quiet): Mom, we're not up to anything!

Michael (at breakfast): I love you.
Holly: Mom, Michael told me he loves me!
Me: Michael, that's so kind of you to say that to Holly!
Michael (pointing to his oatmeal): No -- I love you this.

Holly (after a conversation we had in response to her question "Why do we wear clothes?" -- one of the reasons being that it's the law!): Mom, if you didn't wear any clothes and the police took you away, I would really miss you!

Holly (while she and Michael were playing doctor and patient): Michael, this is your doctor. Her name is Miss Kristen. Or you can just call her mom. That's even better.

***

Last week on our homeschooling blog: The Honeymoon is Over.

You Don't Have to Look Alike to Be Family

2009-08-10T06:00:00.002-04:00

A couple of weeks ago, my sister and her family came to visit us. My parents were already here, so there were 14 people in our townhouse (during the day, that is -- my sister's family slept in a hotel at night).

One of the neatest things was seeing all the cousins running around playing together. My sister has 6 kids. Two were adopted from Liberia, Africa, so my parents have four Caucasian grandchildren, two biracial grandchildren and two African grandchildren. It's a wonderful testimony to the fact that you don't have to look like each other to be family.

Here are some pictures of our time together.

****

All the cousins minus Orly, who wasn't feeling well that day.

Snack time at a produce farm.

Holly and Saige.

Mike and Jeremiah, eating ice cream.

At an ice cream place.

Yes, we took up an entire bench at the ice cream place!

Orly and Jeremiah (they are very close in age and have grown up practically like twins).

Another shot of all the cousins. Not easy getting 8 wiggly kids on the sofa at one time!

Sweet Jeremiah.

Snacks on the deck.

Saige and Holly. I think we were eating ice cream. Come to think of it, we ate a lot of ice cream!

Piper.
****

Last week on our homeschooling blog: Our First Week of Homeschooling -- 4 Things That Surprised Me.

Affirming My Children's Racial Identity

2009-08-03T06:00:00.008-04:00

I recently finished reading an excellent book called "Can We Talk About Race? And Other Conversations in an Era of School Resegregation," written by Beverly Daniel Tatum, the President of Spelman College, a historically African-American women's college.

Tatum talks about ways to create inclusive classrooms where all students feel welcome, regardless of their race.

Her "ABC Approach" includes A - Affirming Identity. She writes, "...affirming identity refers to the fact that students need to see themselves -- important dimensions of their identity -- reflected in the environment around them, in the curriculum, among the faculty and staff, and in faces of their classmates, to avoid feelings of invisibility or marginality that can undermine student success." (pg. 21-22).

I'm not a teacher (even though we are homeschooling this year for the first time), but her words clarified something that I intuitively understood the minute my children were born, and that was the need to affirm their racial identity.

I grew up for 14 years overseas, straddling two very different worlds: America, where I was born, held a passport, and would return for a summer every couple of years, and the three African countries where we lived from the time I was 4 until 18, when we moved back to the U.S. so I could start college.

Individuals like me are called Third Culture Kids, people who as children spent a significant part of their developmental years in a culture or cultures other than their own, creating a "third culture" by blending their birth culture and those in which they lived.

In a way, my children are Third Culture Kids too. They are black, and they are white. Similar to my own growing-up years, they will live in an "in-between" world, always a little of both but never completely one or the other.

Thankfully, my parents did a great job of affirming my identity as a Third Culture Kid (TCK). They never got mad when I didn't feel at home in America the way they did. They let me buy cultural items (with their money!) -- unique jewelry, clothing, beautiful carved figurines, wall hangings, baskets -- that I brought back with me when I started college and that I proudly display in our home today. They made a point of giving me opportunities to be with other TCKs (even when that meant driving hours and hours to another state to attend a reunion).

I hope I can give that same gift to my children. Of course, their racial identity isn't the only part of them, but it's one that I feel is important for me to think about as a white mother of biracial children.

I try to make sure that our home is a place my children can see themselves reflected, as Tatum discusses in her book. The art we display reflects people of color and not just whites. We have multicultural books so the kids can see other children who look like them. Our homeschooling curriculum features people from around the world. We talk about racial differences and skin color in ways that are appropriate for their ages. We pursue friendships with our neighbors who are from different countries.

I know I won't be a perfect parent, and there may be times my children will struggle with various aspects of their identity. But I hope that our home is a place they can always see themselves reflected in, and that speaks a little bit about who they are, and where they have come from.

****

Mike's Cousin Betty, at her husband's retirement party that we attended.

Holly and Barbie!

At Artscape in Baltimore, busy decorating activity bags.

My dad reading a book while Michael slyly looks at the camera.

Dinner on the deck!

Dentist Grandpa gives Holly a check-up!

And Grandma gives Holly a pedicure.

Riding the Metro to Baltimore.

At Inner Harbor, Baltimore.

Trying on Grandpa's Australian Outback hat in the train!

Holly, happy that we finally rode the Metro (we've lived here two years, but normally just drive in, so this was super fun for her).

Waiting for the train.

The Only White Person At The Party

2009-07-27T06:00:00.004-04:00

(On an unrelated side note, we started homeschooling! Click here to read about how our first day went.)

One of the things I appreciate most about being married to an African-American man is the experience of attending family functions and being the only white person there.

Honestly, I think it's an experience all white people should have. It's a good reminder of how it feels for people of color to be in all-white settings. Although it's not really a new experience for me -- I grew up for 14 years in Africa and many times was the only white person in a group setting -- it's not too often that I have this experience here in America.

But apart from all of this, these experiences fill me with tremendous gratitude for the wonderfully accepting family I have married into.

This weekend, our family attended a retirement party for the husband of Mike's "Cousin Betty." There were probably 40 people there, and I was the only white person in attendance.

I didn't feel awkward or uncomfortable in any way. No, this wonderful group of people (some of whom I had never met) treated me just like a member of the family. In fact, Cousin Betty introduced me to her husband's family as "my cousin Kristen." All it took was one glance to confirm I wasn't actually her cousin, but my husband is, and it touched me that instead of calling me "Mike's wife," she introduced me as her cousin.

The other thing I appreciate so much is that no one in Mike's family censors their conversation when I'm around. For instance, Mike's mom and another older woman were talking about black youth today (Mike's mom is in her 80s and works 5 days a week at a youth program).

Mike's mom laughed and said, "It was so different in my day. Back then, our parents told us we had to be twice as good as white people just to keep our job." The other woman nodded her head and murmured in agreement.

As I reflected on the conversation in the car on the way home, I told Mike, "I'm so glad that your mom can openly talk about her life as a black person and not have to skirt around the reality of racism just because I'm there."

I believe honesty is critical in interracial relationships. If people don't feel like they can talk about their experiences of race, the relationship won't grow very deep. I'm so thankful my mother-in-law and other family members trust me enough to be honest and be real.

I'm also thankful that my children have the opportunity to be in an all-Black environment. I want them to feel pride that they come from a long line of amazing African-Americans who have overcome so much and have created successful lives for themselves and their children. And who make me feel like family, not like the only white person at the party.

****

Enjoying a snack!

The two Michaels wash the car.

Miss Irene with a bunch of wonderful Barbie accessories that her daughter Magda picked up for the kids from a friend who was giving them away. Thank you Miss Irene and Miss Magda!!!

Funny Kid Quotes

2009-07-20T06:00:00.001-04:00

Holly (to our "adopted Grandma" Miss Irene who loves to buy Holly little gifts): Miss Irene, I really like your money!

Holly (to Michael while he was throwing "groceries" on the floor during their game of grocery store as she tried to get him to play the role of the check-out clerk): Michael, that is BAD customer service!

Holly: Mom, do you know what I'm most excited about for Grandma's visit?
Me: What?
Holly: So she can clean under the stove and behind the fridge -- they're SO dirty!

Holly (to my mom): Grandma, my mom is not good at cleaning. I'm glad you're here to help her!

Me (calling out while Holly and Michael were having fun playing a game together): Michael, Michael, come here honey.
Holly (quietly to Michael...but unfortunately for her, not quietly enough): Just ignore her, Michael. Just ignore her!

****

Holly and my mom, cleaning under the stove, which they pulled out from the wall. Holly had been looking forward to this for weeks!

Hard at work!

Grandma and Michael.

At a park that we went to while my parents were here.

Michael's favorite activity with Grandpa was reading. Michael would wake up in the morning and immediately haul several books over to Grandpa's chair.

My parents were wonderful about spending lots of time with the kids. My mom played about a million games of "Memory" with Holly.

A popcorn bowl doubles nicely as a hat.

Holly!

5 Things My Kids Have Learned...That I Wish They Hadn't

2009-07-13T06:00:00.001-04:00

1. If you take an ice cube out of your mom's water glass to put on your sweaty, stinky foot, don't put it back in her water and then tell her about it after she takes a drink.

2. Riding your bike down the steep hill in your back yard means that you will become one with the wood fence at the bottom.

3. Suddenly yelling, "We're not up to anything!" is not the best way to hide the fact that you found a lollipop in your mom's purse and are secretly eating it with your little brother.

4. If the air conditioning in your townhouse is out for 8 weeks due to replacement parts that are on back order, your mom will let you have an ice cream cone every single day because it's the only thing that makes her feel cooler.

5. If you secretly eat mint candies in your bedroom without your mom's permission, you can bet that your visiting Auntie will happen to mention to your mom, "Boy, Holly's room sure smells minty!"

***

Holly and her friend Riya, who is from India.

Our family.

Holly and a friend eating ice cream cones.

My mom and Holly at a 4th of July parade.

Grandma and Michael watching the parade.

My dad and his Australian Outback hat!

The best view of the parade: on dad's shoulders!

I guess the parade passed the "Holly test!"

Photos Of Family

2009-07-09T22:25:00.007-04:00

I don't have a regular blog post this week because my parents are staying with us and my normal writing time has been happily taken up with late-night conversations with my mom. My parents moved to Papua New Guinea (near Australia) last summer, so we haven't seen them for a year. It's been a wonderful time of reconnecting and doing projects like painting Holly's room.

My sister and her family just arrived today -- all 8 of them. They're staying in a nearby hotel since we have a townhouse and it's a little hard to find sleeping space for 14 people. You can view some pictures of the happy cousins below.

In case you missed my post last week, I've started a new blog called Homeschooling with Chocolate, Vanilla and Caramel. Every Monday, I'll be posting about our new adventures in homeschooling.

I've decided to start posting on this blog on Mondays too. So for those of you who are used to checking in on Fridays, you can either switch to Mondays, or just keep checking on Fridays and reading the new material then.

Have a happy weekend!

***

Dinner on the deck!

Spencer opted to eat dinner indoors, where things were a little more peaceful and quiet.

My sister!

My brother-in-law.

What happens when three little girls get together? Make up and dressing up, of course!

Beautiful little Saige.

Piper strikes a pose.

Happy her cousins are here1

Grandma and Michael.

Ibrahim, our family friend from Nigeria, stopped by to see my parents en route to a wedding (his father and my father were very close friends when we lived in Nigeria).

Homeschooling: 5 Things I'm Not Worried About

2009-07-03T00:37:00.002-04:00

For the last several months we've been mulling over our schooling options for our daughter.

And finally, we've decided to take the leap and homeschool Holly. We're all really excited about it.

I've also decided to start a blog about our homeschooling adventures. I won't be abandoning this blog; I'll still be posting every Friday.

The new blog is called Homeschooling with Chocolate, Vanilla and Caramel.

Pop on over and read my newest post, Homeschooling: 5 Things I'm Not Worried About. I also posted pictures of Holly with all her awesome homeschooling materials that we received in two big boxes. It was practically better than Christmas morning.

I've started a new blog because I know that not everyone has an interest in homeschooling and not everyone wants to read about it. It's not going to be a blog about how terrible schools are. It's just a place where I can freely write about the ups and downs of our new adventure.

So I'll see you over there this week, and next week I'll be back here as usual!

Phone Stalker

2009-06-25T22:00:00.000-04:00

Those of you who have been reading this blog for awhile may remember that last summer, I said a tearful goodbye to my parents who moved overseas to Papua New Guinea to do dental work.

Happily, they are back in the U.S. this summer so my dad can take some continuing education dental classes.

They are staying with my sister and her family for a couple of weeks, and then they're coming here for a couple of weeks.

During the week they've been back in the country, I've turned into quite the telephone stalker.

I call my sister's house every day, and sometimes twice a day, loving the fact that we are finally in the same time zone. When they're in Papua New Guinea, we talk via Skype once a week -- they wake up at 4:30 am just so they can talk to us before the connection gets bad but even so, many times the connection is so garbled we can't hear anything.

But with six kids, several of whom are taking various sports camps, my sister and her family aren't just sitting around all day waiting for Auntie Kristen's phone calls. No, they're out living life. And so I leave messages. Many of them. "Hi everyone, it's me. I don't have anything to say, but I hope you're all having fun. Okay, well, bye."

And then a few hours later I repeat the scene all over again.

It's just so exciting to have them in the same country again. I feel giddy over the fact that I can call them any time! They will probably be thankful to return overseas just so they don't have to continue to be stalked by their eldest daughter...

***

Coloring!

One morning, Holly wanted to make a meal using her plastic food. So I pulled out a bunch of plates and we went to work! Here is our meal.
First course: fruit plate!

Second course: Hot dogs, bread sticks, and a lot of ketchup bottles.

Third course: vegetable plate of sorts.

Last course: Dessert!

And of course the drinks (she insisted that the yellow bottle of cooking oil was, in fact, orange juice).

Funny Kid Quotes

2009-06-17T21:59:00.002-04:00

Me (to Holly): Michael has to stay in time out for 2 minutes because he's 2 years old, and you have to stay in time outs for 4 minutes because you're 4 years old.Holly: So when I'm 5, I'll have to stay in time outs for 5 minutes?

Me: Yup!

Holly: And when I'm 40, I'll have to stay in time outs for 40 minutes!

Me: Well, hopefully when you're 40 you won't still be getting time outs.

Holly: Yeah, hopefully.

Miss Nina (our friend): Goodbye Holly! Be a good girl!

Holly: Goodbye Miss Nina. Be a good mom!

Holly (while I was cooking dinner): Are you making that yucky soup again?

Me: Michael, would you like sprinkles on your ice cream?

Michael: Yes.

Holly: Me too!

Michael: Me too too!

Me (to Holly after she got two matches in a row during a game of Memory): Woo hoo, Holly!

Holly: Thanks for the woo hoo, Mom!

Holly (while in the kitchen hugging me around the waist from behind): Mom, your bottom is just so...nice!

***

The joys of being a little brother to a sister who tries to dress you up like one of her dolls...

Karate Kid?

Holly, mother of quadruplets!

Inside a tunnel at a hay maze.

Our Nigerian friend came to stay with us for a weekend. He stayed with us for the summer last year, so the kids really loved seeing him again.

Our friends Nelson and Kalyb at a playdate.

More of our friends at the playdate.

Yes, she was standing on the counter getting something from the cabinet.

Holly with her best friend Riya and one of our neighbors.

My Kids Might Be Living With Me Until They're 40

2009-06-11T21:55:00.000-04:00

One of the advantages of living in a townhouse is that you can't help but get to know your neighbors. Our deck is about 2 feet from our neighbor's deck, our cars are parked right next to each other, and when I sit on my front steps I can see the doors of almost every townhouse in the row.

Thankfully, we have great neighbors. Out of the five townhouses in our group, three belong to Indian families, and another Indian family owns the end unit in the next group of homes.

Over the past couple of years, I've gotten to know these families pretty well -- the way they live, some of their customs and beliefs, their awesome food.

I've also noticed that they go about the whole "family" thing totally differently than Americans do.

For one, almost all the families have multiple generations living under one roof. In fact, one household holds a husband and wife with their two young children, the husband's brother and his wife, and two grandparents. (Remember: this is a 3-bedroom townhouse we're talking about, not a mansion.)

In every single home, the unmarried adult children still live with their parents. They all work and attend college. They contribute to the household, babysit the children of their married siblings, help with the cooking, and make their American neighbors (translation: us) very jealous.

When I graduated from college, I never really even considered moving back in with my parents. I ended up moving overseas for a year, and then half-way across the country for my first job.

It was lonely sometimes. I had nice friends and great co-workers, but at the end of the day, I went home to an empty apartment. There were days I desperately wished to be back in the satisfying hustle and bustle of life with a family.

I look at the young adult children of our Indian neighbors and marvel at what a sense of community they all have. Yes, they have career dreams and goals, but they are still so connected to their families. They're not living isolated, workaholic lives. They don't seem to be trying to find themselves. I can't help but think how healthy this must be, this sense of connection and community.

When I see how happy, healthy, vibrant, and genuinely great these young people are, I can't help but be attracted to their way of life. I no longer think I would mind if my kids stayed around after college and contributed to the household while working. Of course, I wouldn't force them to live at home, but if it seemed like a good option and they wanted to, I don't think I would have any problem with that.

In fact, I almost hope they do. I already wonder what life will be like without these two people in our life on a daily basis. Quiet, that's for sure.

So once I can brainwash them into living at home after college, my next job will be to brainwash them into continuing to live at home after they get married. Hmmm...that one might take a little work.

***

Holly and our dear friend Miss Irene.

Me looking like a bug in Irene's shades...

The kids "fix" Miss Irene's hair.

Holly sprinkling some plant food on the plants in front of our house.

Gardening work!

Watching Miss Irene garden.

Irene knows a LOT about gardening, and I know nothing: a perfect partnership!

Enjoying a little break from the gardening work out back.

Earlier this summer, Holly kept telling me she really wanted a garden. Irene has wonderfully come up almost every Friday morning to help Holly.

A view of Holly from our deck above.

Putting our cucumber plants in the the ground.

I Could Have Gone to Jail for Marrying My Husband

2009-06-04T23:13:00.000-04:00

It's amazing to think that a little over 40 years ago, I could have gone to jail for marrying my husband.

Interracial marriage was outlawed in Maryland, where we live, until 1967. Here is an excerpt of the actual law, thanks to LovingDay.org:

SECTION 1. Be it enacted by the General Assembly of Maryland, That Section 365 of Article 27 of the Code of Public General Laws of Maryland - 1924 Edition), title "Crimes and Punishments," sub-title "Marrying Unlawfully," be and said Section is hereby repealed and re-enacted with amendments so as to read as follows:365. All marriages between a white person and a negro, or between a white person and a person of negro descent, to the third generation, inclusive, or between a white person and a member of the Malay race or between a negro and a member of the Malay race, or between a person of negro descent, to the third generation, inclusive, and a member of the Malay race, are forever prohibited, and shall be void; and any person violating the provisions of this Section shall be deemed guilty of an infamous crime, and be punished by imprisonment in the penitentiary for not less than eighteen months nor more than ten years...

Up to ten YEARS? For simply marrying someone outside of my race?

Next week, on Friday, June 12, our family will celebrate Loving Day. Loving Day honors an interracial couple, Richard and Mildred Loving, and the Supreme Court ruling in 1967 that legalized interracial marriage in all states (although amazingly, laws banning interracial marriage were still on the books in some states until as late as 2000).

To commemorate Loving Day, here is the post I wrote last year, with a few edits.

***

My husband came home from work one evening. "Have you ever heard of Loving Day?" he asked.

"No, but it sounds strange," I replied.

He told me a story he'd heard on the radio, a story about Mildred Jeter and Richard Loving, a couple who were married in 1958. Not long after their wedding, police broke into their home, woke up them up out of bed, and took them to jail. Their crime? Being married. Mildred was black and Richard was white, and their marriage was illegal in Virginia where they lived at that time. Even though they had gotten married in Washington, DC, where interracial marriage was legal, Virginia law prohibited them from returning to Virginia as a married couple.

A judge found them guilty and sentenced them to jail or banishment from Virginia for 25 years. They chose banishment and moved to Washington, DC.

Life together was difficult. Even though interracial marriage was legal in DC, they faced discrimination constantly.

A couple of lawyers picked up their case which eventually came before the United States Supreme Court. The court voted unanimously to allow interracial marriage. The year? 1967.

"Mildred just died," Mike said to me. "That's why they were doing the story. Just think...because of people like her husband and her, our family can exist."

His comment struck me. I'd never before heard of the Lovings, or their story. But it was amazing to think that this couple who fought an unjust system, paved the way for our family, and for every other interracial family in America. This couple lived the truth that skin color doesn't need to separate us.

Last weekend, my entire family traveled to Notre Dame Law School to attend the graduation of our dear Nigerian family friend, Ibrahim.

When we gathered, it was a wonderful, beautiful, colorful scene. My sister and her husband recently adopted two boys from Liberia, Africa, in addition to the four biological children they already had. So my parents have white grandchildren, mixed-race grandchildren, and African grandchildren.

With eight children and eight adults, all of varying colors, it wasn't very easy to figure out who belonged to whom. One man asked my brother in law, "So what exactly is this? A nursery?" My brother in law just laughed and replied, "No...this is my family!"

I thought of Mildred and her husband Richard, who could never have enjoyed a family get-together like we did. My heart felt immense gratitude to this couple who fought an unjust system and helped change the laws of our country so that my family could gather in freedom and without fear.

And so this year, on June 12, our family will join in the celebration. We'll probably have a cake, perhaps with some candles, to celebrate the birthday of the law that meant our little family, some 40 years later, could live and love in peace. And we'll remember Mildred and Richard who fought for almost a decade before they could do the same.

***

Happy on a beautiful summer day!

Holly with Mike's mom at our Memorial Day cookout with Mike's family.

Grandma with Holly and Michael.

Holly with two of her cousins, Ashley and Michelle.

Having fun together.

Michael and Michelle with a couple of other cousins in the background (Mike's mom has 15 grandchildren but not all were there).

Sisters-in-law Dodie and Erica with Danielle.

Cousin Danielle with Grandma.

Cousin Nikki.

Uninspired

2009-06-01T22:00:00.001-04:00

For the last couple of weeks, I've been feeling totally uninspired when it comes to blog writing. I'm not sure why; perhaps the warmer weather has made me feel less like sitting down at the computer to type.

The break has actually felt good and I'm ready to start my normal Friday postings. Here are a few recent photos of the kids and I.

***

Holly busy taking care of the plants that she and our friend Miss Irene planted a few weeks ago.

Holly when we went to Inner Harbor in downtown Baltimore.

Michael eating his snacks! Mike always says Michael is happiest when he's eating and this picture sure seems to affirm that.

Michael, up close!

At a MOPS (Mothers of Preschoolers) play date a few weeks ago at our small group leader Katie's house.

Katie and baby Jonas!

Holly and Katie's daughter (we did an Easter egg hunt for the kids).

Holly and Michael, happy with their loot!

My friend Nina and I at Katie's.

Finding Community At The Grocery Store

2009-05-14T22:15:00.002-04:00

When I had my first baby, I quickly realized why some cultures have multiple generations living under one roof: so new moms don't lose their minds.

Quite honestly, up until that point, the idea of having my husband and I, my parents, my sister, her husband and their six kids all living in one household had not really been all that appealing.

Sure, I wished all the time that I lived closer to my family, but not exactly that close, if you know what I mean.

But then I had a baby, and my ideas changed completely. And when I had a second baby, I seriously considered bribing my family members to move in with us, permanently. I sure could have used an extra set of hands (or two or three) while trying to cook dinner: someone to rock the baby, another person to play with my toddler, and while we're at it, someone else to clean the bathrooms.

But unfortunately, life isn't like that for many of us. We often live far away from family and other natural support systems.

And so, in the absence of nearby family members, I have created my own support system over the past four years of being a parent.

Here are some creative places I've found community:

The Grocery Store -- This is an easy one, as all of us have to eat. My kids and I go grocery shopping once a week. Since we go the same day of the week, we have gotten to know everyone who works there. My kids are on a first-name basis with the cashier ladies, the store manager, the produce guy, the deli lady who gives them free slices of cheese, and several shelf stockers. It doesn't feel like shopping; it feels like a friendly playdate that just happens to be at the grocery store.

Goodwill -- This might not seem like an obvious choice, but hang with me. When we moved here almost 2 years ago, I took the kids to Goodwill once a week. No, not to buy anything, to play with the toys there. The best part was that the selection changed weekly thanks to the donations they received. We had a fun morning playing with all the toys (which were obviously used so I didn't have to worry about my kids ruining anything), and we got to know all the Goodwill employees in the process. They would cheerfully greet us by name every time we walked in the door and we in turn got to know all about them, their kids, etc.

The Library -- This one is a little more obvious. The key is to go the same time each week so the circulation desk people can really get to know you. Once they do, they will: 1) overlook all sorts of bad library behavior by your kids (it's Murphy's law that no matter how quiet and charming your children may be at home, they will turn into wailing screaming beasts inside the library), 2) be willing to hold DVDs that they think you or your kids would like (DVDs that are snapped up so quickly they are never on the shelf when you get there), 3) actually believe you when you return a book with crayon scribbles all over it and truthfully explain that it was already like that before you checked it out, 4) greet your children by name at the checkout desk and comment on the wonderful selection of Berenstein Bear books they have chosen for the week.

The Car Dealership -- Thankfully, this is not a place I visit weekly, but having a great dealership can make a big difference. My kids LOVE the days that I announce we have to get the car fixed. The dealership I go to serves great donut holes, has a kids playroom with a TV and lots of toys, and has a Starbucks beverage machine. This means the kids get Starbucks hot chocolate. Who can complain about that? But the best part is that because I have been going to this same dealership since I moved out here as a single gal 12 years ago, we actually know a couple of the service people. They always give us huge smiles when we come in and ask about how we're all doing.

I may not have family close by, but I've created a little community, a little support system. It's made a big difference for me. Instead of feeling invisible half the time, I look forward to all the friends we'll be seeing around town each week.

And hopefully, they look forward to seeing us and knowing that they are not invisible either.

***

Holly making play dough masterpieces.

Michael making a play dough pizza.

Our dear friend Miss Irene helping Holly with some spring planting.

Planting seeds in an egg carton: cucumbers, bell peppers and flowers.

Michael watches.

The finished product!

Dark Like Dad

2009-05-10T23:30:00.001-04:00

A few days ago, my son and daughter were sitting on the counter watching me cook dinner.

My daughter held up her arm.

"Mom, I have light skin like you because we're girls, and Michael has dark skin like Daddy because he's a boy!"

I chuckled at her analysis. My kids are actually the same color. There's almost no variation in their skin tone. We do know other multi-racial and African-American families where the kids are different shades, but that's not the case in our household.

We talk a lot about skin color in our family. And about hair types. And about all our racial differences. I'm not embarrassed that we're different. I love it, and I want my kids to love it too.

When I see other multi-racial families, I often point them out. "Look," I'll say, "there's a family like ours. The mom is one color, and the dad is another color, and the kids are a different color."

Usually my daughter will glance over and nod, uninterested. For her it's no big deal. But I make a point of showing her other families like ours, and pointing out biracial children in books, because openly verbalizing and embracing the differences within our family is critical in a world where other people are not always as accepting.

During a recent drive home from the mom's group I attend, my daughter was strangely quiet in the back seat of the car.

"Mom, why don't people like my hair?" she finally blurted out in a small voice.

"What do you mean, honey?" I asked.

"Today one girl in my class said, 'I don't like your hair. I don't like your hair because it's not like our hair.'"

"Well what was her hair like?" I asked.

"Straight," she replied, "like yours."

My heart sank. Where do four-year-olds learn to dislike someone just because her hair is different? Where do they learn these types of attitudes?

And in a class where my daughter is the only non-white, does a comment like that make her think the problem is not simply that her hair is curly, but the fact that it's not white people's hair? Does she walk away perceiving, "That girl doesn't like my hair because it's curly," or something much more troubling -- "That girl doesn't like my hair because I'm not white"?

We had a long talk when we got home, a talk about how it isn't right to not like someone just because their hair is a certain type, or their skin is a certain color, or they wear different clothes. We talked about how much more important it is to see what a person is like inside -- are they kind, loving, thoughtful?

We talked about all the friends we have who are different than Holly--her best friend from India who has even darker skin than she does and silky black hair, our cousins John and Jeremiah who are adopted from Liberia and have very dark skin and tight curly hair, our biracial friend Kalyb who has blue eyes and blondish hair, our friend Nelson who has white skin and light brown hair. We talked about how each person brings something wonderful and rich to our lives that would be missing if they were all exactly like us.

Quite honestly, I know that this is just the beginning. I know she will experience many more hurts in life and we will have many more talks like this one.

But I hope and pray that our family is a place where these sorts of experiences can be openly shared and dealt with instead of swept under the rug and minimized.

At the next moms' group meeting, I talked to the teacher and let her know what had happened. She was surprised, but there wasn't a whole lot we could do about it at that point. My daughter didn't know the name of the girl, and when we asked if she could point her out, she wasn't in class that week.

A couple of months later, my daughter came out of her class with a big smile on her face. "Mom!" she said. "The mean girl was there today and I asked her, 'Do you want to be my friend and stop being mean?' She said okay!"

My heart swelled as I knelt down and gave her a huge hug and kiss. There will be many more situations in her life where someone won't like her for some reason or another. But that day felt like a mini-victory. Whatever the world thinks about us, we're a family, and we're proud of who we are. And hopefully my daughter learns to be proud of who she is, too.

P.S. If you wondered where I was on Friday when I usually post a new entry, you're not alone. My own mother asked me if I had stopped blogging. I haven't! I just...well...I totally forgot on Thursday night that I needed to write a new blog entry. Chalk it up to all those brain cells that left my body when my kids were born.

***

Holly's best friend, Riya.

Holly and Michael plus Riya and her little brother, all attempting to blow bubbles (and yes, the wet stuff poured out on the bottom step is all the bubble liquid...)

Happy girl.

Getting into the Easter spirit to decorate eggs.

Michael...not getting into the Easter spirit (or maybe he was just grouchy because Holly made him wear her flower headband).

This may appear to have been a very calm, orderly event but in reality he kept dumping his eggs into the dye from about a foot above the cup, causing massive splashing and general chaos. (This photo must have been after the cleanup...)

What Michael learned: if you dip each egg in every single color, they all come out some shade of grayish green!

Easter baskets...can I just say how much I love the dollar store?!

Funny Kid Quotes

2009-04-30T21:45:00.001-04:00

Michael: Holly, what you name?
Holly: Michael, my name is Holly!
Michael: Oh.

Michael: I man! I man!
Me: You're a man?
Michael: Yes! I man!

Me (while Michael was playing with a stuffed animal): Michael, did you do poo poo? I smell something stinky.
Michael: Baby Elephant do it!

Me (pointing to two different leftover meals): Michael, do you want this or that for lunch?
Michael: Too yucky!

Holly (while we were watching a family in the park with a pet...pig, yes, pig!): Mom, I NEVER want that pet!

Holly (when she had a headache): Mom, my head feels really cranky.

Me (while Holly's favorite neighbor friend was over playing): Holly, are you having fun playing with Riya?
Holly, with a big sigh: Well, most of the time.

***

Painting time!

Reading books in the living room.

Holly decorated her penguin.

My boy!

The smile that melts my heart and brightens each of my days.

How to Make Friends: 7 Key Questions

2009-04-23T22:22:00.000-04:00

Once you become a mom, there is nothing easy or simple about friendship. Yup, there's a whole list of questions you have to answer just to figure out if someone is potential friend material.

Do I like you? This is pretty basic, but if you can't answer yes to this one, don't even bother with the rest of the list.

Do you like me? Again, pretty basic, but very important. It is possible to genuinely like someone who just doesn't think you're all that great.

Are you even looking for friends? Sometimes, people just aren't looking to add to their friendship pool. Their current group of friends may already be sucking the life out of them, I mean, taking up all their free time, and the thought of adding you to to the mix just might send them over the edge.

Do my kids like your kids, and vice versa? As much as you might adore someone, if your kids hate each other, your friendship is doomed from the start. Every play date will erupt into World War III and simple things like sitting together during story time at the mall will give you a migrane.

(Optional: Do you like my husband, do I like your husband, and do the husbands like each other? This one is actually not too critical. Most guys work during the day, so unless you are searching for couple friends -- which is a completely different matter altogether -- you don't need to worry too much. You and your friend can just get together when the men aren't around and they'll be none the wiser.)

Does your schedule work with my schedule? As much as you/her/your kids/her kids might love each other, if your only open days are Mondays and Wednesdays, but she volunteers at her son's preschool those mornings, you are out of luck.

Do you live remotely near to me? If your new friend lives an hour away, this might be a deal breaker (unless you love driving an hour each way for a play date). My own kids complain that our 15 minute drive to the library is too long. If you live an hour away from me, I will probably not be coming over too often.

If by some amazing feat you are able to answer "yes" to all of these questions, you just might have a shot at this new friendship.

Of course, chances are that by the time you get over the awkward "just-getting-to-know-you" stage when you wonder if she will think you're a horrible mom because your 15-month old still isn't sleeping through the night, and you can't remember the last time you actually cleaned your bathroom, she will go back to work and you will be stuck, once again, searching for a new friend.

Motherhood. I Think I Finally Like It.

2009-04-16T23:13:00.001-04:00

I've been a mother for over 4 years now.

When I started this job, I was pretty sure I had made the biggest mistake of my life. Motherhood is one job you can't really prepare for.

When I got married, I knew what I was getting into. Although my husband and I hadn't lived together, I sure knew a lot about him.

By the time I walked down the aisle, I had a very accurate idea of what life with this man would be like.

But motherhood. How to prepare for that?

I actually thought I was prepared. I'd borrowed my nephew a few times, had done babysitting as a teenager, and read "The Baby Whisperer." I was confident I could calm any crying infant and knew exactly how to put a baby to sleep -- awake but drowsy, so he or she would just quietly drift off to sleep.

When my daughter arrived, I realized I actually knew nothing about babies. She nursed more times than I could fathom, used up 100 diapers a day, and as far as quietly drifting off to sleeep...well, she screamed every time I laid her down.

I couldn't figure out how the world's population hadn't died out, because surely after going through this one time, no smart person would want to repeat the experience again.

But somewhere along the line, the job began to grow on me. My screaming baby turned into a sweet, entertaining todder, who then morphed into a bright, happy preschooler. By then I had another screaming baby, but at least this time I knew that he would not stay that way forever and thankfully he too became a toddler. A sort of demanding, brooding toddler, but we'll not dwell on that.

And then one day not long ago it hit me: I really love being a mom.

I love watching my son hug his sister to apologize and tell her "I sorry, Ha-yee." I love hearing my daughter carry on conversations with her imaginary friend, Kuku. I love watching my daughter read books to her brother. I love seeing my son share his snacks with his sister, not because I made him, but because he wanted to.

Lately I've been feeling so thankful for the opportunity to shepherd these two precious little people as they grow and learn. The more I get to know them -- the quirks of their personalities, the things that drive them crazy and that make them squeal with excitement -- the more I think I have the best job in the world.

The best job, that is, until one of them grabs a toy away from the other, who then hits the offender to get it back, both of them screaming, "It's MINE!" at the top of their lungs.

Yes, until then.

***

Our dear friend Ana and son Daniel.

Ana's husband, Jonny. He is the BEST cook! (We were lucky enough to be over at their house for a meal.)

Sweet little Daniel.

Daniel and I.

Dinner time!

Ana and I.

The moms and the kids!

Holly and Michael reading books together.

Me? Homeschool? You've Got to be Kidding!

2009-04-09T23:00:00.000-04:00

If there's one thing I've learned in life, it's the fact that whenever I say I will never do something, I always end up doing it.

Take children. In college, I decided I was never going to have children. Too much work and besides, I wanted to be a career woman.

And marriage. One too many broken hearts had convinced me I was better off on my own.

And cooking. Not only was I going to hire a cook, but also a cleaning person (those were my naive days when I thought a new college graduate could actually make enough to hire a cook and a maid).

Or townhouses. When I moved to the East Coast 10 years ago, I just couldn't understand why people would willingly buy a cell-like home for twice as much as my Iowa parents paid for their single family home.

And so it goes. As you have guessed, I am currently doing all of these things: I am married, have two kids, do most of the cooking and cleaning in our household, and live in a townhouse.

(I now realize I should have made declarations more along the lines of "I will never live in a beach-side mansion," and "I will never spend my days traveling around the world having fun.")

So I suppose I should have known better than to think "I will never homeschool."

It wasn't that I had anything against homeschooling. My own sister homeschools her kids and quite frankly, my 6-year old niece knows more about the discovery of King Tut than I will ever know. The kids are all delightful, engaging and energetic.

It's just that homeschooling was certainly, definitely not for me. A few months ago, a friend asked me if I would ever homeschool my kids.

I laughed and said, "Oh NO! No way. Nope."

And then I started looking into our schooling choices for our daughter.

Here's what I found:

Public school. Unfortunately, the school my kids are zoned to attend is the worst one in the area in terms of test scores. Not too encouraging.

Private school. $$$. The only way we could make this option work right now is if we sold the house and lived in a tent in someone's back yard.

Co-op preschool. Weird times. I can hardly remember my own birthday, let alone different school times on different days.

I emailed several people I know who homeschool their kids and who are normal (to be fair, I don't actually know any abnormal homeschooling people, but I hear they are out there).

"I NEVER thought I would homeschool," most of them said, "but when I started looking into the schooling choices, it seemed to be the best fit."

I have to admit that I already knew the school situation before we moved here. But we loved the neighborhood and the community, and I figured we would just sort out the schooling thing when the time arrived.

Part of the problem is that I don't believe we should have to move into a home we can't afford so my kids can get a good education. In fact, it makes me kind of angry that simply because my house is a couple of miles down the road in one direction instead of the other, my kids would go to the public school where only 63% of third graders were at or above grade level in math in 2006, instead of the other nearby public school where that number was 93% the same year.

Maybe homeschooling is the option that would allow us to stay in the community we love, in the neighborhood we belong, in the home we treasure, yet still provide my kids with a great education.

My sister had really good advice: Take it one year at a time. Don't feel like you are locked into homeschooling for the next 12 years just because you choose it next year.

I know some of our friends will think we're crazy if we pursue this.

But that's okay. It's not the first time that I've done something I previously swore I would never do.

****

Michael, enjoying our dinner out.

Holly being silly for the camera.

A happy smile after finishing a brownie sundae.

Mom!

Our family.

Holly and her best friend playing dress up and Legos.

Enjoying a big snow from several weeks ago.

Funny Kid Quotes

2009-04-03T05:00:00.006-04:00

Holly (disappointed that her best friend two doors down wasn't home): It's just hard when we don't get girl time, you know?

Holly (squealing upon receiving a Valentine in the mail...the one she sent herself): I'm so happy I sent me a Valentine!

Me: So is Ariel your favorite princess?

Holly: Yes, I really like her.

Me: Why is she your favorite?

Holly: Because she does bad things!

Me: What flavor is your lollipop, Holly? (Holly gives me the wrapper.) Ah! It's mystery flavor! So what flavor does it taste like?

Holly: A mystery!

Mikey (what it sounded like to me): Agl amu waga zifi don moofoo warey wawee moonee bibi oono meemo dedo mama lamee buto zee!

Me: ?!

Holly: He's saying, "Where's the stroller?"

Holly's breakfast prayer: Dear Lord, thank you that Michael is sleeping in so hopefully he won't be so grumpy today!

Holly: Mom, my energy needs to go outside and play!

Holly (examining my slightly-wrinkled-thanks-to-two-pregnancies belly): Mom, your tummy is so...squeezy!

Holly (calling for Michael): Hey you, little person!

Holly (after I explained why I don't like cleaning up their messes): Well...you're the mom and that's what moms do -- clean up everyone's messes!

Me: Oh is that how it works?

Holly: Yeah, I'm pretty sure.

Me (to Mikey): Michael, it's time to clean up your toys please.

Mikey: I too biz-ee!

Me: You're to busy?

Mikey: Yes!

****

Our friend Miss Irene with Michael who apparently did not want to have his picture taken.

Miss Irene, our adopted Grandma, who is from Poland.

Irene got Holly a baby doll that has its own bassinet. Holly loves it and puts baby to bed each night right beside her own bed.

Another friend, Miss Nina, hanging out at our house and nicely watching after Michael's "Baby Elephant" while he played.

Michael and Miss Nina. Today Holly was telling me about her best friend, Riya. I asked Michael, "So who is your best friend" thinking he would obviously say me! But instead he said, "Nina!" That's okay. I love Nina enough to let her be Mikey's best friend instead of me.

Michael laughing at Mommy putting his pants on my head. Nice hat!

Holly lined up all her "Barbie pets" in a nice straight row.

And here she lined up all her Lego people in beautiful semi-circle. The girl needs to have some sort of career that allows her to put things in rows and lines, because she is always doing it around our house!

Mommy Goes Back To School

2009-03-27T05:00:00.007-04:00

So. After a 13-year hiatus, I am once again a student.

My 35th birthday was a couple of weeks ago, and my husband gave me one of the best birthday gifts I've ever received: two online writing courses.

If you hate writing, that probably sounds like the worst birthday present ever.

But for me, this was a dream come true.

The year after I graduated from college, I worked in London doing writing and editing for a small magazine.

But that was back in the day when I didn't actually want to pursue writing as a career. I was just doing it because I was part of a program that hosted students from around the world and gave them the opportunity to work in London for a year. I actually wanted to have a big-wig international career, traveling all over the world doing mediation work in conflict situations (I can now see I had no future in this type of career...I can't even make my 2 year old and 4 year old get along).

However, 13 years, one marriage and 2 children later, I no longer have any desire for a big-wig career and instead wish I had pursued my writing. Go figure. And after having spent almost 4 years doing the bookkeeping and office work for my husband's Subway Restaurants, I have been reminded afresh of why I always loved words and hated numbers.

A couple of months ago, I decided to start pursuing my writing a bit more seriously.

The teeny problem was that I didn't have a clue where to start.

I read a couple of books that weren't too helpful, and some stuff online, which also wasn't too helpful.

But then I stumbled across a gold mine: our local community college's non-credit online writing classes.

My dear husband, happy not have to ask me what I wanted for my birthday only to have me lamely say I couldn't think of anything, offered to buy me the two classes I wanted to take: Writing for Children and The Craft of Magazine Writing. I was thrilled.

So I am now officially a student. It's all very exciting.

My classes are 6 weeks long. Twice a week I log on and download the newest lesson, print it out, and read it when I have the time, in between loads of laundry, building Legos with the kids and helping my son try to go pee-pee in the potty.

I then take a quiz to show I actually did the reading, I do my homework assignment, and log onto the Discussion area to post my homework, ask my instructor questions, and interact with other students.

Just like in regular school, my cyber-class has distinct personalities. There's the very chipper woman who is always the first to finish and post her homework, who comments on everyone else's homework, and has loads of questions for the instructor.

There's the lone guy in the class who introduced himself with one word: "Hi." (All the women wrote introductions such as: "Hi, I'm Helen and I have two quirky cats. I live in Maine and I love fly fishing. I'm retired and drink English Breakfast Tea." to which the very chipper lady would write: "Wow! I have two quirky cats too! I'm sure we'll be the best of friends!")

Adult learning is a funny thing. Everyone wants to do the reading. Everyone wants to do the homework. Everyone can't wait for the next assignment. School sure is fun when you don't get any grades and you can go to class in your pajamas.

Of course, this has meant my poor little blog has suffered. I haven't posted anything in almost a month. For now, my new goal is to writing something every Thursday and schedule it for posting early Friday morning. So for those of you who don't yet subscribe to blogs, check back here on Fridays and hopefully, hopefully, there will be a new post to enjoy.

And hopefully, hopefully, some day you just might flip through a magazine article at some bookstore and see my name as the author. It's a nice dream anyway.

****

My niece Piper and her best friend Patch (during Christmas when we visited my sister's house, and yes, I am still subjecting you to Christmas photos because I haven't downloaded any pictures into my computer since then).

Auntie Holly helps Mikey get ready to play in the snow.

Saige and Holly excited to go build a snowman.

Mr. Snowman, a joint effort of the cousins.

Uncle Mike helped just a little.

Dinner time!

Saige and Holly.

Decorating Christmas cookies.

Who needs a dental office? Uncle Chris the dentist gives Mikey a check up on the kitchen counter.

And Holly gets her check up too.

The cousins enjoy a DVD.

Auntie Holly got Mikey a great tool set and work bench for Christmas, but Mikey used his power tools to fix everyone's hair, including Patch the dog...

...and his cousin John.

Vanilla's Confessions

2009-03-03T06:00:00.003-05:00

1. Holly's lunchtime prayer last week: "Dear Lord, please help Mommy not be so mad at us and please help her be more patient. Amen."

2. Me, to my 2-year old son wanted to sit on his little potty right when I was trying to make dinner: "Just go in your diaper, honey."

****

Uncle Mike reading books to the kids at Christmas during our visit to my sister's house.

Six of the eight cousins!

Mike sword fighting with Jeremiah.

Playing games (the woman with the yellow shirt is my sister!)

All 8 cousins eating a bedtime snack of Auntie Holly's freshly baked cookies.

Good cookies = happy smiles

A little acrobatics (my brother in law and Jeremiah).

Piper and the dog, best friends!

Oh Lord, It's Potty Training Time Again

2009-02-24T19:00:00.000-05:00

A couple of days ago, an event of great magnitude took place in our house: Mikey went pee pee in the potty.

My daughter ran up the stairs where I was running the kids' bath water.

"Mommy!" she yelled out, "Mikey went pee pee in his potty!"

I rushed downstairs and confirmed that yes, Mikey had indeed gone pee pee in the potty. I clapped and cheered for him as Holly raced downstairs to get Mike, who ran into the bathroom and also started clapping and cheering for a rather baffled looking Mikey.

Of course, since then he's had no interest whatsoever in having anything else to do with his potty. But that's okay. As I learned the first time, he'll eventually get it.

In honor of our return to potty training days, here is the post I wrote after my daughter had just jumped this hurdle.

*****

Tonight as I tucked my daughter into bed, she thoughtfully listed off all the places she's gone potty in the past few days: Target, the mall, the State Fair, the library... It's a bit like a tourist proudly listing off the states they've visited.

For the past month, we've been in potty-training land. Honestly, some days I thought we might wander here forever. I thought I just might be the first mom in the history of the world to have a child go off to college with a box of Pampers tucked under her arm.

I actually got her a potty about a year and a half ago when she was 18 months old. She had started wanting to sit on our big potty at home. Ah-ha, I thought! This is it! So I eagerly bought her a little potty, some big girl underwear and figured that in a few days she would be potty-trained.

Any experienced mom is already shaking her head. Little did I know the fun that lay ahead.

The main problem was that she had no "wet" sensor. She would pee in her underwear, totally soaking her clothes, but she wouldn't notice it one bit. After several days of changing her a kazillion number of times, I put her back in diapers and called it quits.

At that point, I got pregnant, and potty-training fell to the absolute bottom of the priority list. Survival rose to the top -- namely, making it through each day with horrible morning sickness and an active toddler. Needless to say, diapers were my best friend during that time. Later, when I started feeling more like a normal human again, I just didn't have the energy.

Then Mikey was born, and a few months later we moved. No way was I going to tackle potty-training during a move. Even I was smart enough to know that wouldn't work.

After we settled in, I set the potty out and tried to explain that when she felt like she had to go, she should tell me and we would quickly, quickly run to the potty and she could go there. It just didn't sink in... but she was great at telling me immediately AFTER she had gone in her diaper.

At this point, I didn't want to read any books on potty-training. I figured it would just make this more stressful, because then I would actually know all the things I was doing wrong. Right now, I was oblivious to all those things and happy to remain so.

Then one fateful day, I heard those words I'd longed to hear. "Mommy! I have to go pee-pee!" We raced to the potty, and she did it! And at that moment, I decided -- this was going to be it. We were going to make that leap into the world of underwear, once and for all. There was no going back.

And so we got out all her big girl underwear and she picked out a pretty pink one to wear. And I carefully explained that EVERY TIME she needed to do pee-pee, she had to tell me so she could go on the potty. No more diapers.

The first day, she did great. It was all so exciting. The second day wasn't so great. The excitement had worn off, for both of us.

The third day, disaster struck. I went into her room after her nap to find her sitting in a huge, wet and stinky mess. It was everywhere -- on her blanket, her comforter, sheet, clothes...But we soldiered on.

Some days I wondered if I'd made the right decision. I would find a puddle on the kitchen floor and wonder if we would ever figure this out. "Maybe we should go back to diapers," my husband volunteered. But in my mind, if you can tell me that you just did pee-pee in your diaper, you can somehow run a few feet to the potty, right?

But just like so many things with kids, she slowly started to get it. The puddles decreased and we no longer changed underwear 8 times a day.

She got over her fear of going in public restrooms. She learned about automatic faucets where you just put your hands under them and -- amazing! -- water pours out. She figured out that automatic hand dryers can not only dry your hands, but your whole body if you stand under them.

And now, when she has to go at home, she just runs in the bathroom all by herself and that's that.

I wonder why I worried so much about it. Just like all the other milestones, they come slowly. She didn't learn to crawl in a day, or walk, or anything else. So why should potty-training be any different?!

Hopefully I can remember that lesson the next big hurdle we cross.

***

At Auntie Holly's house for Christmas. Enjoying dinner together the first night we arrived. (Uncle Chris was still at work.)

Happy to be seeing the cousins!

Jeremiah, our sweet cousin who was adopted from Liberia one year ago.

Orly, who is about Jeremiah's age. They are like little twins. Jeremiah's twin brother died before he was adopted, so Orly is little twin pal now.

Gotta love that adorable smile.

Orly gives Mikey a big hug.

Mikey not so sure if he's liking this.

Auntie Holly plays the piano while all the kids (yes, 8 of them: 6 of hers, and 2 of mine) dance and sing.

Dance city!

Mikey tries to be Auntie Holly at the piano.

The three muskateers.

Heavy drinkers.

We got to meet the newest member of the family, a Saint Bernard dog, Patch.

My Husband Writes a Poem

2009-02-22T17:25:00.000-05:00

Last year for Father's Day, I asked my daughter if she wanted to write my husband a poem. She excitedly said yes.

I asked her, "What do you like about Daddy?" and then wrote her answer down word for word.

Here's her little poem:

I love you, Daddy.
You play with us.
You're so nice.
You take us somewhere to eat.
You take care of us.
You tease us.
You love us.
You play horsey.
You love us and you're so nice and you play with us.
Hopefully you'll get home safely and I love you!

I chuckled later as I copied it into the card she and I had made for my husband. There's nothing like seeing your husband through your daughter's eyes.

This year for Valentine's Day, my husband continued the tradition. He's normally not a "writing" kind of guy, if we're being totally honest. He's a "doing" kind of guy. His worst job would probably be sitting in an office all day writing (for me, on the other hand, that would be a dream job!). Thankfully, he has a job that allows him to spend most of this time out and about visiting the 30 UPS Stores he oversees.

So it surprised me that he wrote me a poem for Valentine's Day. Here's what he wrote:

To a wife that keeps us going even when her energy is gone.

To a wife that helps us when we're sick even though her body is weakened.

To a wife that prepares food for us to eat when she has yet to take a bite.

To a wife that washes and cleans so we can be dressed yet she may not have a clean sock herself.

To a wife that keeps on smiling though her kids may keep on crying.

To a wife that works hard hour by hour, day by day, and week by week, but lets her family sleep in.

For this and much more

We thank you,

We need you,

We love you,

We ask God to bless you,

And we wish you a Happy Valentine's Day.

I read it and I promptly burst into tears.

"I wanted you to know that I see all the work you do for us," my husband said after I dried my tears. "What you do for us isn't invisible. I know it's not easy and I know you get discouraged sometimes. But we all appreciate everything you do every day."

Sometimes there's nothing like a little poem to make you feel special.

I often feel like I'm not very creative with my kids. I see friends who do all sorts of clever little crafts and projects with their kids and think, "I should be more like that!"

But I realized not long ago that I can be creative with words. I may not be the mom who comes up with tons of craft projects, but I can be the mom who teaches my kids the value of words, and how to use words to create memories, like a Father's Day or Valentine poem.

Twenty years from now, my kids may not be making fancy hand-crafted Valentines for their loved ones, but if they're writing them poems from the heart, well, that's okay with me.

***

On the airplane ride to Auntie Holly's house for Christmas. This year Mikey got his own seat!

Mikey trying to figure out the seat belt.

Finally got that seat belt buckled!

Excited to be on the way to Auntie Holly's house to see our six cousins!

Big Mike and Little Mike listening to some music to pass the time.

Mommy getting a little crazy from that orange juice...

Apparently I'm not the only one who got a little crazy.

Holly pretending to be sleeping during the car ride to Auntie Holly's house.

Mikey copying Holly pretending to be asleep.

Funny Kid Quotes

2009-02-10T21:27:00.002-05:00

Holly: Mom, I did lots of poops! And one was a HUGE one!

Holly (complaining because I wouldn't serve dinner an hour early): Well, if you don't feed a child, then they get really hungry!

Holly to Mikey: God wants you to put away your toys, so you better do it!

Holly (while talking on the phone to my friend Nina): Our dinner tonight was really good, not like our other dinner. That one was SO YUCKY!!

Post Office Clerk (to Mikey while we were mailing a package): So little guy, what's your name?

Mikey: Buddy.

Post Office Clerk: Buddy -- that's a great name!

Me: Umm...actually, his name is Michael. I call him Buddy all the time, though. I just didn't realize he actually thinks it's his name!

Holly: Hey Mom, do you know what?

Me: What?

Holly: I got a Valentine from Cinderella. Do you know what it said?

Me: What did it say?

Holly: It said, "Please be my best friend instead of Ariel." (laughs) And I got one from Mikey! It said, "Please be my big sister."

Me, laughing: Did it, now!

Holly: And I gave one to Michael. It said, "Please be my brother and please stop hitting me!"

Mikey's prayer at breakfast one day when Holly was sick: Dear Yord, Holly better. The end.

Holly: Mom, I love it when we're sick because we get to stay home and have fun!

****

Shades are always cool...even if they are your sister's pink ones!

Holly likes to dress up in her princess-fairy Halloween costume on an almost daily basis.

Mikey also loves to dress up in his clown costume. (And yes, he is wearing Holly's pink sweater underneath it.)

Trick-or-treating in the house with ziplock bags. They usually put Legos and puzzle pieces in them.

Watching chocolate chip cookies bake in the oven.

Mikey put his two doggies right by the freshly baked cookies. I guess they were guarding them?

At our MOPS (Mothers of Preschoolers) Christmas party. We were supposed to wear a hat to the party, so my friend Nina and I wore antlers.

Jessica's smashing hat (one of my MOPS small group members).

Jessica even dressed her adorable baby in a hat too!

Our small group leader, Katie. Why is it that I never felt cute when I was pregnant, but every other pregnant person looks just adorable to me?!

When I took this picture, she immediately said, "You're not going to put this on your blog, are you?" I of course said, "You better believe I am!" (Unfortunately, I don't have any more pictures of my other awesome small group members because my camera battery died right after this picture...)

Remembering Nellie

2009-02-01T21:00:00.001-05:00

Last week marked the two-year anniversary of my grandmother's death. She was my last remaining grandparent, and when she died, I felt like a generational shift took place. Suddenly my parents became "the grandparents," I stepped up to the level of "the parents," and my son and daughter took the place of my sister and me as "the kids." I guess while she was still alive, I could pretend that life wasn't really moving quite as fast because hey, I was still a grandchild.

I vividly remember the first time I took my husband to meet her, at her home in Nebraska. I knew that she didn't have a very high opinion of blacks, or really of anyone who wasn't white. She blamed crime and a lot of other social ills on people of color. I doubt she had ever had a non-white friend. If she did, I never heard her talk about it.

So it was with a bit of fear and trepidation that I brought my soon-to-be husband to meet his future grandmother-in-law. I had no idea how she would act. She knew he was black (I'm not crazy enough to spring that kind of a surprise on an 80-year old woman), that he owned two Subway restaurants, and that he had won the heart of her granddaughter.

My parents were with us, and as the four of us walked up the steps to her little house, I kept praying she would like him. I knew she wasn't healthy enough to come to the wedding, so there wouldn't be any of that kind of drama, but I wanted her to see what I saw in him -- a wonderful, kind, funny guy who worked hard and really loved me.

She gave him a hug as we introduced him to her. She had prepared a meal for us, so we sat down and ate.

So far, so good. No disparaging remarks about how blacks made the streets unsafe, no questions about why a black man would want to marry a white woman anyway.

Then something really simple happened. After lunch, my husband helped my mom and I clear the table and clean up her kitchen. Something about that very simple act of kindness spoke volumes about the kind of person he was. She couldn't walk around very well at that time, and making our meal had pretty much worn her out. So the fact that my husband wasn't too "manly" to help her out when she needed it touched her deeply.

From that moment on, she completely embraced him. Every time she called our home, she asked about Mike. She was thrilled when we got pregnant the first time, mourned our miscarriage, and celebrated the birth of our daughter. Race never again was an issue.

During a semester in college when I studied International Peace and Conflict Resolution, I interviewed a man who had worked around the world studying the issue of ethnic conflict. He told me that one way to break down hatred and animosity between ethnic groups is to have people build a relationship with a person of "that other" group.

Because of my interracial relationship, my grandmother met someone who didn't fit her racist views about blacks. She met someone who was intelligent and polite and willing to help clean her kitchen as an act of kindness. No longer could she claim that all blacks were a certain way -- here, standing in front of her, was someone who didn't fit her negative stereotypes in any way.

My daughter's best friend is a little girl from India. Her mother and I have developed a friendship over the past year and she recently told me about an Indian woman in our community who married a white man.

"Wow," I commented, "so were her parents quite upset about that?"

"At first they were very worried when she said she wanted to marry him. But then they met him, and he was very interested in India. So they all took a trip back there. He loved the culture, and the food. So they decided it was okay after all."

"So what does the rest of the Indian community think about it?" I asked.

"Oh, they've come to accept it," she laughed. "No one thinks much about it anymore."

I chuckled to myself. For some reason, interracial marriage is difficult in any culture. Why do we have such a hard time when people marry outside their race?

So last week, as I remembered my dear grandmother, I thought about the fact that anyone can have a change of heart, even an 80 year old lady. And thanks to my husband, Grandma Nellie got to experience the truth that life really is so much richer when we let people in...especially someone of a different race.

****

Holly & Michael early one morning waiting for breakfast and having a little chat.

I have no idea what they were talking about, but obviously it was very interesting...

Gotta love morning hair!

Holly making scrambled eggs for breakfast one morning (yes, I love this stage where they think it's really cool to help out!).

A true multi-tasker. His sister kindly loaned him her hot pink laptop.

Holly took this photo of Michael. I have a feeling he was trying to get the camera out of her hands.

And a big early-morning smile (yes, this is the little girl who is ready to have a full fledged conversation the minute she wakes up).

Why I Love Our Neighborhood

2009-01-16T13:30:00.000-05:00

A couple of months ago (okay, a lot of months ago), my good friend Melodie tagged me. I was supposed to write 7 interesting facts about myself, post them, and then tag several other people.

Apparently, I am deathly boring, because I had a lot of trouble coming up with 7 facts, let alone interesting ones.

I did try. I got this far:

#1 - My husband is 15 years older than I am (although I wrote about that in a post not long ago, so technically, it's not interesting since everyone already knows this).

#2 - While I was pregnant, I craved KFC mashed potatoes and gravy, and McDonald's fruit and yogurt parfaits (this may explain my 40 lb. weight gain...). In fact, I went through the McDonald's drive through so many times, I was on a first name basis with the nice people in the drive-up window.

#3 - I attended x number of schools and lived in x number of countries (with a note to myself to actually figure out how many schools and countries that was).

#4 -

And that's where I hit writer's block. I just couldn't come up with the remaining number of interesting facts. But then, not long ago, I got a good idea. There are lots of reasons I love our neighborhood, so I decided to abandon the rules and make my own list.

6 Reasons Why I Love Our Neighborhood:

1) Our favorite restaurant, which is an authentic little Latin American place where the only English I hear spoken is when our family goes to eat there. And who knew that fried plantains are just divine with sour cream?!

2) The Goodwill store 3 minutes from my house where one Saturday a month, I can buy great clothes for my kids for only 65 cents per item (yes, my son wears Ralph Lauren pants that I got for 65 cents, although I didn't realized what brand they were until I got them home).

3) My daughter's best friend who is from India. When they first started playing together, they didn't speak each others' language, but somehow dolls, Barbies and pink dress-up clothes translate into any language.

4) My African-American Mary Kay gal. Who says African-Americans can't help white people with their makeup?! A couple of days ago, my husband came home from work and said, "I don't know what you changed in your makeup, but whatever it was, you look great!" (I ignored the fact that I must have looked rather dreadful before.) So thanks to Kenya, my husband actually thinks I look good after a full day with two kids. Priceless!

5) Our neighbors -- we've met people from Vietnam, Spain, Ghana, India, Russia, Mexico and Jamaica.

6) The woman who cuts my son's hair. She is a fabulous Russian lady who says to him in her low, sultry voice, "Michael, I make you look sexy, boy! Yes, you gonna look sexy, Michael." While I'm not exactly aiming for the sexy look for my 2 year old, the smile on his face when she hands him a lollipop is worth the price of admission.

So Melodie, thanks for tagging me and hopefully next time it won't take 3 (or has it been 4, or 5?!!) months before you actually get a reply.

***

A beautiful sunrise that greeted me one morning.

Holly took this photo of her Lego castle.

And Holly also took this picture of Michael's Lego castle (I think he was still working on the foundation...???)

Michael decided HE wanted to take some pictures. Holly knows there is one rule every time I let her take pictures: Do NOT let your brother get the camera (there is no way I'm handing over my digital camera to a little boy who likes to take Holly's dolls for a swim in the toilet...) Apparently she was obeying, judging by the aggravated look on his face.

Funny Kid Quotes

2009-01-11T22:00:00.001-05:00

Holly my sister (to her daughters, six year old Saige and four year old Piper, and to my daughter Holly Renee who were all sitting on the bathroom counter doing "makeup" aka lip balm): So...what are you guys doing?

Saige: We're talking!

Holly: Talking about what?

Saige: Talking about sin!

Holly: What about sin?

Saige: Well, Piper always sins, and Holly Renee said she likes to lie, so we're talking about how Jesus doesn't want us to do that!

Saige: Holly Renee, I think you're too young to be up at this late hour! (It was 7 pm...)

Holly (while she and Mikey were playing Legos and Mikey kept accidentally knocking our house over): Mom, we need to give Mikey away. Or, he needs to go to daycare so we can play, just you and me, and then no one will wreck all our stuff!

Holly: Mom, when I get marriage, I think we can just make a cake here. We can get candles and make pink frosting and blow out the candles. And I don't want to go away when I get marriage. I just want to stay here and be a part of the family. And we can go to Target and get rings and earrings there. And I don't have to shop a lot for a wedding dress, Mom, because I already have a Princess dress (her Halloween costume...).

Me: Holly, please put your toys away.
Holly (very politely): Mom, I'm not really interested in putting my toys away.

My Husband Turns 50

2008-12-31T20:31:00.012-05:00

On Friday, my husband turns 50. Gasp! 50!

I don't feel old enough to have a 50 year old husband, quite honestly. There are 15 years between us, so I'm only 34.

A lot of people are surprised when they learn Mike is 15 years older. I don't know if that's a compliment to his youthfulness, or a sign that I look 15 years older than I really am. Whatever the case, I feel like he's my age. He works out five mornings a week, dances around the living room with the kids every night after dinner, and has fewer gray hairs than I have, not to mention fewer wrinkles.

Yesterday, I was talking to a dear friend (we call her our "adopted Grandma") who lost her husband to cancer four years ago. Saturday is her husband's birthday and we were discussing how her life has changed in the past four years.

"Kristen," she said, "life is so short. Enjoy your family. Enjoy your kids. It all goes so fast."

She's right. Time does go by fast. Already, my daughter is four and my son is two. Sometimes I can't believe how quickly they are growing up.

And when I consider that my husband is turning 50 in a couple of days...well, you get the point.

The stark reality is that I very well may have to live a good part of my life without my husband. I hope not, but I've always heard that women live longer than men, and when you add the fact that my husband is 15 years older, the math doesn't seem to be on my side.

But honestly, I'm okay with that. As I told our friend, I would so much rather have a few great years with my husband than a lot of years having never had him in my life. This guy is my very best friend, the one who tells me that he thinks I'm more beautiful now then the day we got married six years ago, the one who knows just what to say to encourage me every time I get discouraged, the one who tells me my job as a stay at home mom matters, the one who patiently listens to our daughter tell him about her imaginary friend Kuku because he knows it's important to her.

A couple of months ago, I started thinking about how to celebrate my husband's 50th birthday. I imagined having a big surprise party--inviting former employees of his, good friends of ours from our previous church who we don't see much anymore, family members, the works.

Thankfully, the smart side of my brain kicked in and I decided to ask him how HE would like to celebrate his birthday.

His answer surprised me.

"Honey," he said, "what would mean the most to me is to be with the three people I love the most: you, Holly and Mikey. I've had many birthdays, and hopefully I will have many more. But that's all I want. Just to be together as a family."

Later, as I was mentally dismantling my big plans for a birthday bash, I realized how incredibly blessed I am to be married to someone whose best birthday imaginable is to be with me and the kids.

And so on Friday, Mike is taking the day off of work, and we'll head to the Rainforest Cafe where we'll celebrate 50 years of life of this awesome father and husband.

Hopefully, we'll have 50 more birthdays to celebrate. But even if we don't, that's okay. Because God gave me the best present ever when He gave me this man in my life, and whatever number of birthdays we have left is a gift I'll never stop celebrating.

***

One of my very favorite pictures: Mike and Holly.

Mike and the kids.

The two Mike's.

Mikey sure loves his Dad!

Doing Dad duty at a farm this past fall.

In downtown Baltimore eating ice cream.

Mike with a family friend from Nigeria.

Mike and Holly Renee when she was a baby.

You Know You're Married to a Black Guy When...

2008-12-18T06:00:00.010-05:00

I really love being in a multiracial family. I love the fact that we can enjoy our differences and even laugh about them (like the time my niece was playing the "I Spy" game and said, "I spy something black all over and bald on top" while looking directly at my husband -- we all got a hoot out of that one).

And so, in the spirit of fun, I present to you, "You Know You're Married to a Black Guy When..."

1. Macaroni and cheese, and greens are must-haves at your Thanksgiving table.

2. Your kids look more like your neighbors from India than they look like you.

3. Strangers ask, "Are they yours?" so often that you start thinking of it as a normal question people ask all parents.

4. Your two-year old son says, "Daddy!" every time he sees a picture of a brown man.

5. You describe skin colors in terms of flavors: chocolate, vanilla, peanut butter, cinnamon...

6. You know that the way to meet other moms of multiracial children is to ask, "So what hair products do you use on your kids?" Half an hour later, not only are you armed with some more products to try, you've exchanged email addresses, cell phone numbers, and are planning your first play date.

7. You're flattered when other people ask what hair products you use on your kids.

8. Your husband tells you that sometimes he forgets you're actually white.

On a totally unrelated note, if you enjoy the "Funny Kid Quotes" posts on my blog, you'll enjoy my sister's most recent blog post with funny quotes from her multiracial family.

****

Holly modeling her new pink coat (thanks, Miss Irene!!) and her new fairy umbrella (thanks Miss Magda!!). She was thrilled that it was a rainy, gray day out just so she could use her new umbrella. I was not quite as thrilled (about the rain, that is).

All of us.

Funny Kid Quotes

2008-12-15T20:00:00.001-05:00

Holly (after struggling to fold up her umbrella and finally accomplishing the task): Well done, Holly!

Me (while reading the last line of a book to Michael): Humpback whales like to swim close to their mommies. Do you like to cuddle with your mommy?
Michael (emphatically): No!

Holly: Michael, you're a wonderful little girl!

Holly, in astonishment, while we were in the car listening to the "Beauty and the Beast" soundtrack we checked out from the library (she has never seen the movie, only read the book): Mom, Belle has SUCH a nice voice! I never knew she could sing like that!

Holly (while helping me fold laundry): Mom, folding underwear is just SO STRESSFUL!

Me (holding hands with the kids outside on a beautiful fall day): I just love being a family, don't you?
Holly: Well...I love my bedroom. That's about it.

Mikey (pointing at a cartoon picture of a brown-skinned farmer in one of Holly's preschool books): Daddy!

Holly: Mom, I don't think I'll marry a guy. I think I'll just stay in this family instead.

Holly (explaining to me her memory verse, "No one can serve two masters"): It means you can't love Jesus AND pennies!

****

Holly and Mikey working on a gingerbread house.

One for me, one for the gingerbread house!

One for me, one for me, one for me, one for me, one for the gingerbread house.

Can I just say three cheers for the pre-made gingerbread kits where you don't have to spend all day baking it, but the kids get the fun of decorating it?!!.

The finished product.

Holly and Michael showing a new afghan that our dear friend Miss Ileen made for us for Christmas (she made it to match our living room so the kids would have a nice cozy blanket when they're sick and need to snuggle on the sofa).

Holly likes her Lego people to be in nice, straight lines.

You will notice that no only are they in a nice straight line, but they are arranged according to height.

And some different people also nice and straight (I'm a little surprised she didn't put them in color groups, but then again, when you're 4, your days are so busy that you just can't be too particular sometimes...).

Me, modeling our friend Miss Irene's sunglasses that look smashing on her, and...well, not so smashing on me. (As she correctly pointed out, "Dear, they cover your whole face!)

Well, at least they match my shirt.

Honey, You Eat WHAT at Thanksgiving?

2008-12-06T13:32:00.015-05:00

A few years ago during our pre-kid days, my husband I were getting ready to host our very first Thanksgiving. My parents, who lived in Iowa at the time, were going to fly in, and Mike's mom and one of his brothers were going to join us.

We sat at the dining room table talking over our menu. Turkey, stuffing, cranberry sauce, pie, the works.

"And macaroni and cheese," my husband said.

"What?" I asked politely, sure I'd misunderstood him.

"Macaroni and cheese," he said, with a little force, nodding his head like I knew what he was talking about.

"WHAT?!" I said again, not so politely this time. "Are you kidding? Isn't that what moms feed their kids when they run out of groceries?"

"We always had macaroni and cheese at Thanksgiving," my husband replied.

"We never had macaroni and cheese at Thanksgiving," I countered.

I had a good lesson in cultural understanding that day. As it turns out, many African-American families do indeed eat macaroni and cheese for Thanksgiving. In their defense, it's not your Kraft-from-a-box type. It's the real deal, made from scratch and (as I later found out) totally yummy.

I guess I thought that everyone in the US ate the same thing for Thanksgiving. Granted, I grew up overseas in countries that didn't celebrate Thanksgiving, so I can't say I had a lot of expertise in this area.

I also found out that day that African-Americans like to eat greens with their Thanksgiving meal. Since I was definitely the student in this area, my husband offered to make collard greens with sausage mixed in. It, like the mac and cheese, was great.

"So," I later asked my husband. "Is this whole mac and cheese thing a your family thing, or an all-African-Americans thing?"

My husband couldn't guarantee me that every single African-American family in the entire United States eats mac and cheese for Thanksgiving, but he said most of the families he knew growing up did eat it.

That was confirmed a couple of years later when we joined another multiracial family for Thanksgiving. The wife is African-American and her husband is a lovely Swedish/Chinese blend (I think, unless I've got the blend incorrect in which case my other friend Ana can set me straight!).

"Yes! Of course we ate macaroni and cheese!" she said when I asked. My husband shot me that "See-I-told-you-my-family's-not-crazy" look from across the room. He was vindicated.

This Thanksgiving, we had that same couple over to our place for dinner. As we all dug into our turkey, stuffing, macaroni and cheese, and greens, we laughed about our food differences.

"But in my family, we never had mashed potatoes," our friend said. "We always had potato salad!"

"Exactly!" my husband confirmed.

I thought I had mastered the essentials of African-American Thanksgivings but apparently I have a very long way to go.

And so, next year, in addition to macaroni and cheese, and greens, I will be adding potato salad to my Thanksgiving menu. And in 20 years when my daughter's husband says to her, "You ate WHAT for Thanksgiving?" I will chuckle and tell her that's what's great about belonging to a chocolate, vanilla and caramel family.

Note: This post is not intended to poke fun at African-Americans or their food. It's simply meant to be a humorous look at the ways we are different, and the sometimes funny ways those differences get discovered. My husband could easily write a post called, "The Crazy Things White People Eat at Thanksgiving," but he's not much of a blogger, so we'll just have to leave that one for someone else to write.

****

Shenorva dishing up!

Her husband, Sivert.

The meal (the infamous mac and cheese dish and the greens are on the left!).

All of us eating (our friends Ana and Jonny are on the left).

Happy full stomachs!

Our wonderful desserts -- homemade apple/blackberry pie from Jonny and homemade carrot cake from Shenorva.

We used Shenorva's carrot cake to celebrate Mikey's 2nd birthday.

The little girls got to blow out the candles.

Funny Kid Quotes

2008-11-27T06:00:00.000-05:00

This year, one of the things I am the most thankful for is...blogging (what a surprise!). I mean that sincerely. Each one of you reading this post is my community and I am immensely grateful for you!

Some of you are old friends from Africa that I've reconnected with through Facebook after years of not being in touch. Getting updated on your lives has felt SO good, and linked my past with my present. Some of you are awesome people from our new church, and reading your blogs has helped me get to know you better, feel a part of the church, and love you all so much. Some of you are dear friends who live far away, yet through blogs I can watch your children grow, and suffer with you through the bad times and celebrate with you during the good times. And some of you I've never met at all, but stumbled across your blog and now feel like I know you.

My last couple of posts have been a little heavy, so to thank each of you for being my friend, and to say "Happy Thanksgiving," here's a much more light-hearted post that will hopefully give you a few smiles after you stuff yourself with turkey!

****

Holly: Mommy, sometimes I teach Mikey angry things!

Holly (telling me how to take care of Mikey as she pretended to head out for a meeting with her imaginary friend, Kuku):If he gets hungry, you can give him a snack. And if he gets more hungry, you can give him more snack. But I want him to eat healthy things, like crackers or apples. Or peaches. That too. So...do you think you can manage that?

Holly (after coming into my room at 6:30 am while I was washing my face and starting to get ready for the day): Mom, you look kind of ugly right now. (This prompted a serious discussion about why it is never okay to tell someone they are ugly, no matter how bad they look in the morning without makeup!)

Holly (while we were trying to buy her a pair of new shoes): Mom, I REALLY love shoes!

Holly: I love bras! So, will I get to wear a bra?
Me: Yeah, some day you will.
Holly: I want a Princess bra. Can I have one of those?
Me: I'm sure we can arrange that.

Holly (as we were pulling out of the parking lot after shopping): Mom, how much longer is it until we're home?
Me: Honey, we haven't even left the parking lot yet!!

Holly: Mikey, today we're going to vote! You don't need to be afraid -- we're not going on a BOAT, we're going to VOTE. It sounds the same, but it's not. I'll hold your hand, Michael, so you won't be scared.

Holly (as we were talking about who we were going to vote for): So, Mom, do you LOVE him?

Me (to Holly, after she gave Michael a couple of her tic tac breath mints): Hey, Holly, can I have a couple too?
Holly: I'm not sure if you're allowed to.

****

A cute door decoration that I love, and found on sale for only $7!! Woo-hoo!

Michael, busy playing with his truck.

Holly riding a pony at Baugher's Farm.

Enjoying a hay ride.

Michael really loved the hay ride!

Michael, being a big boy and sitting all by himself during the hay ride (this lasted about 2 seconds...).

Sometimes I am Racist Too

2008-11-24T13:30:00.001-05:00

I recently read an AP-Yahoo poll that said 40% of all white Americans hold at least a partly negative view toward blacks.

It made me really sad, because for me, those numbers aren't just theoretical, they're personal. For me, the poll wasn't talking about black people "out there," it was talking about about my own family -- my husband, and even my two kids.

But it also made me think about times when I've unfairly judged a group of people solely on their race. Sometimes we convince ourselves we're better than the people in these polls, but in reality we often aren't.

Last month marked our "one year anniversary" of attending our new church. A little over a year ago, we bought our first home, a townhouse, and started looking for a church in our new community.

Our previous church was very racially diverse. The pastor is African-American and his wife is Korean. There are lots of multi-racial families of all types, and children of many hues. Our family blended right in there.

So when we moved, I got online and did a little research about churches in the area. I knew I wanted to find another racially diverse church, but it's often hard to tell just from looking online. One church stood out to me. From the website, it seemed dynamic, organized, and passionate about helping people find and grow in Jesus.

My daughter and I visited the next Sunday. Our son was sick, and my husband stayed home with him.

When we got home, my husband asked me how it went. I shrugged. "It's too white," I said.

He pressed me a little further. "Well, did they preach the Bible? Was it doctrinally sound?"

"Oh yeah, definitely," I replied. "And worship was great. People were engaged. But it's just too white."

My husband gently said, "You never know what God may have in store for our family. Don't write it off just because of that."

Over the next several months, our family continued to attend. We grew to absolutely love this church. Our entire family was embraced, loved and accepted. This church befriended us, nourished us and truly became our home.

I look back and can't believe what I almost missed out on. Thankfully, I don't direct my path; God does. He knew this church was the perfect place for us, and in spite of my arrogant, prideful attitude, he moved in my husband's heart to encourage me not to simply look skin deep.

God used the experience to remind me that in many ways, I'm no better than the racist elderly woman who once spat on my husband's shoes when we were riding the Metro. As we boarded one of the train cars and sat down, she started muttering about the "mixing of the races," came over to where we were sitting, and actually spat on my husband's shoes.

I like to think I'm far beyond her racist attitudes, but sometimes, my heart is just as wrong as hers.

Thankfully, God doesn't give up working on us. He lovingly shows us blind areas in our lives that need change.

And thankfully, he provides wonderful communities around us for those changes to occur, just like we have found at our new church.

****

Holly and her best friend, Riya, who is from India.

One of our Indian neighbors at a birthday party we attended. She has absolutely gorgeous clothes!

Our neighbor with Holly and Riya.

A group of us at the birthday party.

Riya's brother and mother.

Riya's mother and grandmother.

Holly and Mikey built a "fort" in the living room...

Laying on the floor reading.

My African-American Mother-in-Law

2008-11-14T13:35:00.010-05:00

A couple of days ago, my mother-in-law turned 82 years old. For those of you who are thinking that sounds more the like the age of a grandmother than a mother-in-law, it kind of is. My husband is actually 15 years older than I am (gasp!) and he comes from a family of 7 kids (he's one of the younger ones). So my mother-in-law is actually around the age of my grandparents. She's pretty amazing. She volunteers every afternoon at a community after-school program for kids.

I remember the first time I was introduced to the whole family not long after I started dating Mike. They were getting together to celebrate his mother's birthday with a big family dinner at a nice restaurant. I already knew one of his sisters-in-law very well. In fact, she was my mentor at the church we were attending at the time. But I was going to be meeting all the other family members, most importantly, his mom, and I was a little nervous about that.

Not only was I quite a lot younger than Mike, there was also the whole issue of...me being white.

After I started dating Mike, one of our African-American friends explained something important to me. She said there are some women in the African-American community who are frustrated when black men marry non-black women. They would love to marry a decent black guy and yet, because of a lot of social factors, it's not always easy to find what they're looking for. When you add onto that the whole issue of finding a Christian black man, it gets even more complicated. So understandably some get frustrated when available black guys marry Caucasian or Asian or Hispanic woman. She told me this so I would be understanding if any single African-American women we knew didn't seem thrilled that I was dating Mike.

So I didn't walk into that restaurant assuming everyone in Mike's family would necessarily be fine with it either. But they were. They were all so gracious and welcoming. I was grateful, and so happy to be a part of this big family.

Since that time, my mother-in-law has never made me feel like an outsider. She celebrated the birth of our first child, her 14th grandchild, with just as much excitement as I imagine she celebrated every other grandchild before Holly.

I've always felt she loves me as a daughter-in-law, for who I am, regardless of my race, the same way I love her son for who he is.

So today I continue celebrating this amazing woman who raised 7 children, endured the tragic death of her husband, and now has almost 20 grandchildren. A woman who has embraced the truth that love transcends race, and who can look around the table at a rainbow family. A woman who opened her heart to a young white girl and made her feel like a part of the family.

Yes, I'm proud she's my mother-in-law and I just hope that some day, when my own son brings home some lovely girl, whatever her race, she will be able to say the same about me.

****

Holly and her Grandma this past summer at a family get-together.

Grandma with Mikey and Holly.

The Only Gray-Haired Mom in Town

2008-11-08T18:07:00.008-05:00

Lately, I have been pondering a question of great importance. I've been standing at a crossroads, unsure of which way to go.

I have been trying to decide if I should start coloring my hair.

Those pesky grays have been appearing more and more. In fact, for every one gray hair that I pluck out, the next day there are five more in its place. It gets down right discouraging, it does.

A few weeks ago, I got my hair trimmed. The woman working on me was someone I'd never been to before. As soon as I sat down in the chair, she exclaimed, "You don't dye your hair?!!"

"Um, no," I smiled, trying to look sweet. "I just haven't ever gotten around to it."

Thanks lady, I wanted to say, for pointing it out. Thanks for confirming that my full head of gray hair is just around the corner, relegating me to Grandma status.

I have nothing against hair color or improving one's look. In fact, I love makeup, and in my opinion, hair dye is just makeup for the hair.

It's just that I already feel busy, and coloring my hair feels like one more thing I would need to keep up with. I know I'm the kind who would never have my roots looking up to snuff.

Also, my mom never colored her hair. She has beautiful silver hair that I've always loved. In fact, every couple of years she would ask us, "Should I start dyeing my hair? Nobody else has gray hair. I'm the only one." And we would adamantly insist that she should NOT dye her hair. We loved it -- the color, the cut, how great she always looked.

Well, let me just say that I now understand her pain. It's one thing to love the gray hair on your mother's head. It's another to love the gray hair on your own head.

As a kid, I thought that gray hair was something that grew overnight when you turned 60. You had a full head of brown hair, and then you turned 60 and overnight -- poof -- all your hair turned gray at once, a lovely, glistening shade of silver.

Well, I'm here to tell you that it doesn't work that way. I'm only 34. Who knew the horror would start so early?

Of course I've asked my family's opinion. My 4-year old daughter immediately said, "No! I like your hair just like that." She got an extra cookie that night after dinner. In my book, any child who says she likes gray hair certainly deserves a reward.

In fact, now that I think about it, any mom who has gray hair deserves a reward too. I wonder if I can convince my family that a big shopping trip for Mommy is in order...

***

Holly's Halloween costume: a fairy princess outfit that cost us a grand total of $5, thanks to my favorite store, Goodwill, and a friend who had given Holly a crown and wings previously.

Getting ready to head to the mall for some trick or treating with our dear friend Miss Irene.

Mother and daughter.

In the mall parking lot, very excited!

Even though this picture makes it look like the mall was deserted, I was amazed at how many kids were there. I thought there would be just a few, but the mall was packed, mostly with little kids like Holly!

Trick or treating sure worked up an appetite for all of us. Afterward, we stopped at the mall's Chick-fil-A and dug into some chicken nuggets with ice cream for dessert (as if more sugar was needed!).

Irene, Holly and me at Chick-fil-A.

Funny Kid Quotes

2008-10-31T21:43:00.005-04:00

Holly, thoughtfully: Mom, I think I'm ready to be a big sister now.
Me: Honey, you already are a big sister -- to Mikey!
Holly: Oh yeah! I AM a big sister!
****
Holly, as she lay on the sofa with Mikey poking her stomach: Mommy, I'm having 'tractions and Mikey is my doctor!
****
Holly (after her bath): Mom, I'm tired of putting on lotion after my bath.
Me: Do you know why I put lotion on you every night?
Holly: Because we're thankful!
Me: Well, I was thinking more along the lines of so your skin doesn't get dry and itchy, but I guess being thankful isn't a bad reason.
****
Holly: Mom, we'll be friends for ever and ever!
****
Holly (calling to me from the basement): Mo-om, I made a little big mess!
****
Me: Holly, would you like to watch a show on TV?
Holly: Mom, that would be a great idea, because we're being kind of whiney and then we wouldn't be so whiney!
****
Holly: Mikey, if Mommy says don't do something, then you can't do it. But if she doesn't say don't do it, then you can do it. But if you do it and she said don't do it, you can't do it. Okay?
Mikey just looks at Holly blankly...
****
Holly, while putting away toys: My goodness! How much junk there is!
****
Holly's dinner prayer: Dear Lord, Please help our day and for our strength. Thank you that I got new shoes today, and thank you that we went to church, and thank you that the Redskins winned their football game!
****
Holly, to her Sunday School teacher when another little girl wasn't obeying: That girl's parents must not teach her how to be obedient!
****

Holly and Mikey on Holly's new bike!

Holly went upstairs one day and got dressed all by herself...I guess she figured that stripes go with stripes?

Holly and our dear friend Miss Irene.

A trip to the zoo with Irene and her daughter, Magda. Holly and Magda fed a giraffe!

All of us as penguins!

Mikey in the petting zoo area.

The kids loved petting and brushing the goats. Yes, amidst all kinds of neat animals, it was the goats that they really loved.

Mikey working hard to make that goat's coat look nicely brushed.

Holly works on another goat.

This goat had the right idea...curl up in the feeding bowl!

A Photo Tribute to My Daughter

2008-10-27T22:00:00.001-04:00

I meant to put these photos at the end of the post I just wrote about my daughter turning four. But I forgot about them (I had saved them several days ago), so here they are.

****

Holly recently turned four. Four! I still can't quite believe it. Here I am, about 7 months pregnant with her. I was convinced she was a boy -- we didn't find out ahead of time, and having Mike yell "It's a girl!" was truly one of the biggest shocks of my life (I didn't want a boy more than girl, I just "knew" she was a boy...so much for that!). I had even bought 6 bags of boy baby clothes at a $1-a-bag yard sale. After she was born, I went home, took all the boy clothes out of the dresser, and put in all the girl clothes my sister had given me!

I had Holly at a birth center in Bethesda. Here is my mom the morning after she was born. Holly was born shortly after midnight, 8 days late, and we just made it to the Birth Center in time. She was born about half an hour or 45 minutes after we got there.

Holly looked very Asian when she was first born. I guess it's that whole multiracial thing...you never quite know what your kids will end up looking like! She had jet black, stick-straight hair.

1 year old! Holly's first cupcake (much of which ended up in her hair that had interestingly changed from jet black and straight, to very curly and auburn.).

The three of us on Holly's first birthday.

2 years old! Holly on a slide we borrowed from a neighbor for her party.

She loved that slide!

3 years old! Holly with a clown cupcake.

On her 3rd birthday.

4 years old! Holly helping me bake her birthday cake. She's eating the part of the cake that I cut off the top to make it level.

Our family on Holly's 4th birthday.

The two little blessings in my life!

Holly Turns 4

2008-10-27T17:00:00.001-04:00

A couple of weeks ago, my daughter turned four years old. Honestly, I was still trying to get used the idea that she had turned three. I will probably spend the entire year trying to convince myself that I actually have a four year old. It's a bit mind-boggling, really. I still feel like I'm 25, but the increasing number of gray hairs on my head, and the increasing number of candles on my daughter's birthday cake tell me otherwise.

This year, more than anything, my daughter has transitioned from being a little kid I take care of to becoming my friend. Of course, this friendship is a little different than my other ones. I don't have to discipline any of my grown-up friends, or set boundaries and limits for them, and I certainly don't give them a bath before tucking them in at night. But there's something about this budding friendship with my daughter that thrills my soul when I step back and see the person she's becoming.

She can have serious conversations with me now, about her bossy neighbor friend, about the fact that her new Sunday School class just doesn't have enough dolls, and about why it's important to respect and appreciate the garbage truck men (we once made them banana chocolate-chip muffins and hand-made cards that read "Thank you for the hard work you do for the people of our community").

And she cares -- about me. After years of running around thinking the world revolved around her (isn't that the definition of "toddler?!"), she now relates on a totally different level. She senses when I'm having a hard day and says, "Mommy, I'm sorry you're so drained. Do you want some of my snack? It might help you feel better!" And somehow it does.

On days when I'm struggling to get the energy to do one more load of laundry, cook one more meal, clean one more bathroom, deal with one more outburst from her brother, she says, "Mommy, I love you so much. I'm glad you stay home with me!" and it makes the hard work seem so worth it.

I'm guessing that most of her birthdays will be like this one -- me, amazed that I have a daughter who's growing up so fast, and her, taking it all in stride.

Hopefully the fact that she's four will sink in soon, because she's already planning her next birthday party.

****

Holly and Michael going for a wagon ride at a produce farm we visited recently.

Hmmm...which pumpkin is the best one?

Daddy does all the hard work -- chauffeur for the day!

Holly enjoying the pond.

Plants are far more interesting than pumpkins!

All the neat red wagons at the farm.

After the farm, we stopped at a little roadside place to eat.

Waiting for the food to be cooked on a huge smoker (at least, I think that's what it's called).

Our dear family friend from Nigeria, Ibrahim, stayed with us this summer. He left a few weeks ago and we all miss him a lot. Here, the kids were walking with him to his car as he finished packing everything up to head out for California.

The Kids' Perspective

2008-10-21T19:56:00.010-04:00

Holly: Mom, you need to put your makeup on. You look MUCH better with makeup. When you don't have it, do people ask you if you're sick?
***

Holly (while she and Mikey were playing in the basement): Mo-om! Someone hit Michael.

Me: Hmmm..."someone" hit him?

Holly: Yeah!

Me: Well, who hit him?

Holly: Someone at our sleepover.

Me: And who, exactly, at your sleepover hit him?

Holly: Kuku [her imaginary friend]. She's a real hitter!

***

Holly: Hey, Mom!

Me: Yes?

Holly: No, not you. My pretend mom.

***

Holly: Mom, can we do my preschool books? We haven't done them in years! [Actually, it had only been about 2 days...]

***

Holly: Mom, I really like Mikey. I always wanted that brother!

***

Holly: Mom, maybe for Mother's Day me and Michael and Daddy could get you flowers!

Me: That would be great! I would love flowers.

Holly: And you could stay home and rest and do laundry!

***

Holly (in the bathtub): Mom, if you had to go poo-poo, would you tell your mom, or just go in the tub?

Me: Um, I would definitely tell my mom.

Holly: Oh...Hey Mom, I have to go poo-poo.
***

Holly on her birthday morning! Her birthday presents were in the living room, covered with a big blanket. She had gotten up before I realized it, and came into our bedroom saying, "Mom, there's a strange white thing in the living room."

Gift number one: A hot pink bike! I got it for $10 at Goodwill. I love that store.

Gift number two: a scooter! Purchased for $15 through Craigslist (online at Toys R Us for $40). I'd never used Craigslist before but I'm a convert now!

Mikey trying out Holly's new scooter with the help of our awesome neighbor, Jennifer (bless her heart, she was still in her pajamas but came out to see Holly's new gifts).

Holly loves her new bike!

She rides up and down the sidewalk with a huge smile on her face.

Our dear friend Miss Ileen, a former neighbor of ours, has the same birthday as Holly. We always do something special with her to celebrate her birthday. This year, we went to the Rainforest Cafe. It's the coolest place -- it's decorated just like a rainforest. We took a group photo at our house before we headed out.

The birthday girls!

At the Rainforest Cafe.

A fake, but pretty realistic-looking alligator.

Mike and Mikey in front of a huge fish tank.

Mikey loves his dad!

A very blurry picture, but we got a "Volcano" -- a huge brownie ice cream dessert with a sparkler in the top!

The party table!

Mikey + ice cream + brownie = one happy little guy.

The kids and I, happy after stuffing ourselves with great food.

Christmas in October?!

2008-10-18T13:22:00.008-04:00

This morning I went grocery shopping. The entire deli/produce section was decked out for Christmas! There was a whole area with a special display of fake snow, Christmas trees decorated with lights, snow covered wheel barrows, glittery snow flakes hanging from the ceiling, and a big "Happy Holidays" sign. In the cheese case, there were garlands with holly leaves and berries. Above the vegetable section were Mrs. Clause dolls in rocking chairs and reindeer in fluffy fake snow.

Is it just me, or is this crazy? I love Christmas, but not in the middle of October. I just got pumpkins for our front stoop. I'm not even thinking Christmas yet. The sad thing is that by the time Christmas actually comes, the grocery store decorations won't seem that special any more because I will have been looking at them for so long...

Holly's 4th Birthday Party

2008-10-16T21:22:00.008-04:00

The birthday preparations begin! The cake, cooling. Holly requested "Funfetti" cake with chocolate icing.

Holly eating the top of the cake that I cut off to make it level (I took a cake decorating class before Mikey was born and learned a few nifty tricks with some nifty tools to make my cakes look a little better).

The party table!

Our theme was Strawberry Shortcake.

You can't have a Strawberry Shortcake birthday without chocolate covered strawberries.

We also had strawberries dipped in chocolate sauce (go strawberries!).

The party table.

Birthday cake! Holly and I looked through a couple of my cake decorating books and she picked out what she wanted on her cake -- sprinkles on the top, stars on the bottom, top and side.

Our townhouse -- party central (although you can't see the little hanging decorations we put up).

Holly and our first guest to arrive, baby Daniel.

The guests at the party -- Holly's friend Riya and her mother and two aunts (from India), our neighbor Jennifer, dear friends Irene and Magda (from Poland), and Ana (Brazilian), Jonny (English/Chinese) and baby Daniel (Brazilian/English/Chinese!!).

Getting ready to blow out the candles!

Holly got dress up items from Magda. Mikey did NOT like being dressed up!

Holly thanking Miss Jennifer, our neighbor, for her gift.

Holly thanking Riya's mom for the pink Vtech laptop computer she got.

Holly and Riya having fun dancing...

Holly and Miss Irene.

Party girls!

The Kids' Perspective

2008-10-10T14:30:00.003-04:00

Holly: It's so hard when I don't get my own way!
***
Holly (after spotting coffee dripped all over the counter): Daddy always makes so many messes. But we love him anyway.
***
Holly: Mom, do you know what's exciting news?
Me: What?
Holly: It's my birthday soon!
***
Holly: Mommy, thank you for making my birthday cake! You're so precious!
***
Holly: Mommy, even though I'm four now, I still want to have my blanket. It has a big hole, but I still love it.
***
Holly: Michael, meet me at the pee-pee station!
Me: The what?
Holly: The bathroom! It's the pee-pee station!
***
Holly: Mommy, I have a question for you.
Me: Yes, honey?
Holly: I don't like school.
Me: Honey, you don't even go to school.
Holly: Well, when I do go, I'm not going to like it.
***
Holly (eating a mango): Thank you Lord -- this is great!
***
Holly (after breaking a toy): Mommy, since you're nice and sweet, will you fix this?
***

Holly's birthday celebration started last Wednesday at our weekly trek to the mall for Storytime with Miss Julie. Here, Holly is up in front with some other kids dancing to a song (and waving to me).

Holly dancing -- this is going to be the newest dance craze, I'm sure.

At the end of story time, everyone who was having a birthday in the upcoming week got to stand up in front of everyone and we all sang Happy Birthday. Each child also got a little goodie bag. Holly had been looking forward to this day for weeks!

Holly and Miss Julie, who is wearing a funny hat with a spider web.

Google It!

2008-10-08T14:56:00.004-04:00

A couple of months ago, I decided to start tracking how many people read my blog. Before then, I really didn't care to know. In fact, when I first started blogging, I didn't even turn on the "comment" option. Not only did I not want to know how many people were reading my blog, I didn't want to know what people thought of my life. The whole idea sort of freaked me out.

But eventually I got over my fear that people would basically tell me I was really lame, and I started getting curious about how many were, in fact, peeking into my life.

So I signed up for Google Analytics. It happened to be mentioned in another blog I read, and it's free. I love anything that's free.

Now, not only do I get to track how many people visit my blog, I also get a lot of other cool info, like what countries and states they are in, how long they are on my blog before they get bored and leave, and how they get to my blog in the first place -- directly, through another blog, or through a search engine.

What I didn't anticipate was being able to get a good chuckle out of some of the online searches that people make which lead them to my blog. Yes, it's a little unnerving that I can see exactly what people type into their Google searches. (Before, I didn't even realize this kind of information was out there. What unnerves me now is that I realize there are hundreds of marketing people around the country who are laughing at the strange Google searches I've done...)

Recently, someone did a search for "chocolate color bathtub" and my blog came up as an option for them. According to Google Analytics, they didn't actually view my blog, which is a good thing. The would have been quite disappointed. I don't have too much information about bathtubs, except that my son sometimes poops in them.

Another person recently searched "vanilla or poop." I'm not quite sure what they were aiming for. Perhaps they were trying to find my blog and remembered that it contained the word "vanilla" and that my son once pooped in the bathtub. (Now that I think about it, maybe I should start writing more about poop. Someone else searched "pooped in the bathtub" so there obviously is a market out there for poop stories. If I was really a good blogger, I would be tapping into that.)

Yet another search: "caramel pedicures." Wow. A caramel pedicure? I think I need one of those. The only pedicure I have ever gotten was from a two-year old. And it most certainly did not involve caramel.

Another creative individual searched "chocolate and caramel hair." I'm still trying to figure that one out. Either there's a whole world of flavored hair-dyeing products that I don't know about, or the individual meant to type "popcorn" but somehow typed "hair" instead.

And just remember...if you ever do an online search to try to find my blog because, say, you couldn't remember the address but vaguely remembered that it has ice cream flavors in the title, and that my son once pooped in the bathtub, be warned: your fun search just may show up in my next edition of "Google It!"

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Holly and a family friend, Miss Ileen, reading a book together.

Holly and her best friend, Riya, eating snacks at our house.

Riya's little brother, Raj.

Riya's brother and mother when they came over to play one afternoon.

The kids and I as I was attempting to take a photo of us using the tripod my parents gave us when they left. I would set the automatic timer, make a mad dash to the chair and try to look natural for the photo. Attempt #1 -- squishing Holly.

Attempt #2 -- Michael hides his face.

Attempt #3 -- finally a good one! (Michael's dog and Holly's doll were apparently the key to a good picture.)

Leaving Behind 8 Grandchildren

2008-10-01T13:30:00.005-04:00

My parents recently moved around the world to Papua New Guinea. They left behind two daughters, two sons-in-law and eight grandchildren.

Before they left, my dad posted these thoughts on their website. Several people have asked me why they would move that far away. I think my dad said it perfectly.

(While I'm not able to post a direct link for security reasons, if you would like to visit their website, just let me know via email or a blog comment, and I will be happy to email the web address to you. They post ministry updates and photos. Amazing photos!)

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Leaving a Legacy
by My Dad

We will be saying goodbye to our eight grandchildren soon and it will not be easy.

However, we are convinced the most loving thing we can possibly do for them, and the thing which will give them the greatest joy in life in the long run, is that we give them the example of following Christ without reservation and with great joy wherever He may lead.

In 1722 Jonathan Edwards (America’s greatest theologian) wrote a series of “Resolutions.” Resolution #6 was: “Resolved: To live with all my might, while I do live.”

That is our goal also--to live for Christ with all our might while we do live.

I am 62 years old and want to be serving Christ with more passion and abandon at 65 than I am now. And more at 70 than I did at 65.

The greatest evidence of God's mercy and grace in our lives would be that He would allow us to serve Him with increasing joy and zeal until we draw our last breath. That is our prayer.

The Kids' Perspective

2008-09-26T14:18:00.002-04:00

Holly (running down the sidewalk with a neighbor girl, yelling to me -- and the entire neighborhood -- at the top of her voice): Mom! She's not bossy anymore!
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Holly: Mom, can I go play with Riya [her best friend]?
Me: Well, honey, she's wearing a nice dress. It looks like she might be going somewhere.
Holly runs outside and asks her if she's going somewhere. She says no. Holly runs back to tell me.
Holly: She's going somewhere where she's not going anywhere at all!
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Holly: Maybe I can go shopping with you for my birthday!
Me: Well, honey, the way it usually works is that I'll go on my own so that your presents are a surprise.
Holly: Well, sometimes you don't pick out the right present, so I think it's better if I go too.
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Holly's breakfast prayer: Dear Lord, thank you for this ugly day, even though it's windy and rainy and I'm not going to like it at all. Amen.
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Holly: So when is my birthday?
Me: A week! Then you'll be four years old.
Holly: So...can I still sit on your lap when I'm four?